Emily's very own stalker
by barrani
Summary: Someone is trying to impress Emily and make her love him. Will he get her? Will she survive? Dark story. Rape and torture.
1. Emily's idyllic life

A/N So I know I should be updating "A Long Night" but I got nothing for that story nothing. So we're doing this instead. This story is going to be dark. Just a warning. Also the idea came from thank you. As always I own nothing.

He watched as his target exited the building. _She is going to be so happy after this. She's going to thank me. Oh how she's going to thank me_. His mind conjured all of the many ways that she could thank him. He flicked his cigarette away. And he walked towards the woman. She was approaching her limousine. A big guy, _bodyguard? doesn't matter_, opened the door for her. He eased the .45 out of his shoulder holster. "Ma'am." She turned and looked at him. He fired. The bodyguard went down. She didn't scream. He smiled. "Sorry, but there's been a change in your schedule. Get down." He made her get on her knees in front of him. He put the gun behind her. "This is for everything you did to her. And for all the love you withheld. She deserved better than you." He pulled the trigger. _I did it. Oh I can't wait to tell her. She's going to love me for sure after this. NO wait I need to do more. She's so amazing this isn't going to be enough. I must do more._ He turned and walked away. _Maybe if I hurry I can get a glimpse of her before she goes into work. Yeah I'll sit and wait at that coffee shop._ He smiled. _Today is going to be a great day. _

Hotch's eyes opened. _Uhmm. What time is it? 5:00 a.m. Oh I can get a little more sleep. _And then he felt another body in the bed with him. _Oh yeah. That's right. I got lucky last night. I got really lucky. _He rolled over slightly and looked at his companion in the bed. _So beautiful. I can't believe she's mine. _He reverently took in her naked form. He lifted his hand and lightly traced his fingers from her shoulder down to her thigh. He left his hand on her thigh. He leaned forward and gently kissed her shoulder. He started dusting feather light kisses into her neck. Just above the collar bone he attached himself. He knew he was going to leave a mark but he didn't care she was his. And now everyone was going to know it. His hand moved from her thigh across her center and stopped. He started stroking.

Emily smiled. This is the best way to wake up. _Well there are a couple of ways that are slightly better, but there all pretty much the same thing. Just a matter of which body parts are in play. _"Aaron if you don't stop that you're going to wake me up."

"If you're talking you're already awake. And besides this is the best way to greet the day. Everyone needs to have this happen everyday. It should be a law."

"Men. You only think with one thing."

"But's it the best thing."

"Can't argue with that. I thought breakfast was the best way to start the day."

"Whoever said that has obviously never been laid."

"I don't know. Breakfast is a really good meal. You got eggs, toast, orange juice, and you can't forget bacon."

"You've obviously been with the wrong people. With me it's not even a question. This is so much better."

"Promises, promises."

"Trust me. Now come on so far I've been doing all the work."

"That's cause I'm asleep Aaron. You got to wake me up if you want to play."

"I see. All right if that's the way it's got to be." He moved his head down and placed it in between her legs. He spread her thighs a little. He rubbed her folds a little and then slowly stuck a finger in while his tongue found her clit. He looked up as her eyes opened. He smiled. "I knew that would wake you up."

"It looks like you know all the right moves Aaron Hotchner."

They didn't get up for another hour. Eventually they got and went to the kitchen. Aaron grabbed the coffee pot and started pouring them coffee. Emily turned on the stove.

"You were right."

"I am always right."

Emily stuck her tongue out at him.

Aaron didn't look up. "But in this instance what was I right about"

"That was better than breakfast."

"I told you. And what are you five. A grown woman sticking out her tongue at me. What has the world come to?"

"You didn't mind when my tongue was out earlier."

"Well you got me there. But it was doing something very different."

Emily just smiled.

They continued with their morning routine. They got ready and both headed to work in their respective cars. The relationship was new and they didn't want to bring the team into just yet.

Emily made her customary stop into the coffee shop by work. She didn't really need the coffee. At least not yet, but it allowed her to keep up the appearance that she was still single and got her morning coffee on the way to work. And it allowed her to arrive a bit after Aaron, so no one questioned them showing up at the same time.

_She's here. Ok stay calm. She can't see you behind your newspaper. Just remember you're going to se her soon. You're not ready yet. But soon. Soon you will be and she will love you forever._

A/N Please review and build up your good karma


	2. Emily's first blow

A/N I own nothing.

Emily looked at her watch. It was just a few minutes after one, she was supposed to leave to go meet Aaron for lunch. This was the most annoying part of the clandestine relationship. They would leave the office at different times and meet up at the restaurant and then have to leave the restaurant at different times. Before they had dated they would on occasion have lunch together. No one had said anything. It was no big deal. But now they had to be sneaky. If they were going to fool the world's greatest profilers, they couldn't give them any clues.

Hotch was on his way out of the office when his office phone rang. He knew he shouldn't answer it, but he couldn't help himself. "Agent Hotchner." As the voice on the other end started speaking. He paled. _Oh my God._

Emily had almost gotten to her car when her cell phone rang. "Agent Prentiss."

"Hello is this Emily Prentiss speaking?"

"Yes who is this?"

"I am sorry to inform you but your mother Ambassador Prentiss has been found shot. She is dead, ma'am."

Emily's world narrowed to only the sound of the person on the other end of the phone. "What did you say?"

"Your mother is dead. We need you to come to the morgue and identify the remains."

"Yeah ok thank you." Her world was spinning. And as she lost her balance a pair of strong hands grabbed her steadying her. And then she smelled him. And she calmed just a little bit.

"It's ok honey. Easy. I got you."

"Aaron my-."

"I know your mom's dead. I just got a call."

"How did you get a call before me?"

"Your mother was a high profile target. They want us to catch the guy who killed her."

"They need me to go to the morgue, and identify …"

"C'mon I'll drive you." He put his arm around her waist and guided her to her car. He took her keys and opened the door for her.

They drove in silence. Hotch didn't know what to say. _What can you say in a moment like this? Everything sounds trite and clichéd. _Emily was lost in her own thoughts.

They stood outside the room where her mother's body lay. Emily couldn't go in. If she didn't see the body it wouldn't be real. As long as she stayed outside it was just a bad dream.

Hotch held her to his chest. He was going to be her rock. She could lean on him, like he had leaned on her during the Foyet ordeal. He silently stoked her back, and massaged the back of her head. She sighed and he felt some of the tension leave her body. "Are you ready to do this? Cause we can stand here all day, and I'll make sure no one says anything even if they close. I'll make sure you see the body."

Emily smiled at her boyfriend. _My boyfriend. _It was first time she called him that even if it was only in her mind. "I don't think I'll ever be ready. But let's get this over with."

"I'll be right beside you."

"Thank you."

The walked in. The M.E. pulled out a drawer that held the body of Elizabeth Prentiss. Emily let out a gasp, and buried her face into Hotch's shoulder. The tears that she had been holding back started to flow.

_She's dead. She's really dead. How did this happen? Who would do this? What am I going to do now?_ Forgotten for the moment were her complicated emotions about her mother. All that was in her mind was grief and confusion.

/

They drove in silence. They got to a stop sign. If they went left they would go to Emiy's place. Right would be Hotch's house and Jack's school. Hotch looked at Emily, she was still glancing out into the distance seeing nothing. "Em, do you want me to drop you off at your place?"

"Don't you have to pick up Jack?"

"I do. But do you want to see him today? After everything?"

She looked at him. They sat there in silence. "Let's go pick up Jack. Being around him might do me some good."

They drove to the school in silence. They both knew that the silence would soon be gone and wouldn't come back until late tonight.

Jack bound into the car a whirlwind of five year old activity. "Hey daddy. Hi Emmy."

"Hey buddy"

Emily put a smile on her face. It wasn't fake, well not totally fake. She loved this boy. Deep in her heart she thought someday he might be mine. Haley would always be his mother, but she would love him just as much. "Hey Jack."

"Emmy what's wrong?"

Emily smiled inwardly. It was amazing how perceptive this five year old boy was. So like his father. "Nothing baby, I'm just tired."

Jack nodded satisfied with her answer. And immediately started to regale the adults with tales of his day at school.

The three spent the day having fun. They went to the park and played for a while. Afterwards thy got ice cream. Then they went home, and enjoyed the evening together.

Later after Jack had gone to bed, when the silence descended on the house. Emily stared out a window.

"Hey beautiful girl."

Emily smiled but it never made it past the top of her lips.

Hotch walked over and put his arms around her and lightly kissed her neck.

Emily closed her eyes and leaned back into his arms. It was odd that she needed this comfort. She couldn't remember one time her mother had said that she loved her. She didn't know why she cared. But she did. She cared a great deal.

"Did you have fun today?" Hotch said breaking the silence.

"I did, Jack is an odd balm. But he was just what I needed." She turned in his arms and rested her head on his chest.

They stood in silence and she listened to his heart beat. They stood wrapped in each others arms for a long time. After an eternity she pulled towards the bedroom.

"Are you sure?"

"I need this. I need to feel alive. I need to forget. Make me forget."

Later she slept. She slept peacefully. Outside of this recent tragedy she was happy. She had a family for the first time ever she had a family. And the man that lay beside her kept her safe. He kept the nightmares at bay. And for the first time since she had gotten that phone call she smiled.

A/N Hopefully you enjoyed this latest chapter, if so drop a line in the reviews and all day long you might have good luck.


	3. Emily's through line

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was just another dark alley to all. But if you looked closely you could make out two figures moving in the dark. One was standing and the other was kneeling. The one that was standing had a gun.

_I found him. It took me a while, but I found him. She's going to be so happy. I can't wait to tell her. She probably won't hear. I can't wait to see her face. She's going to be so happy. She's going to thank me. Again and again. She's going to stay with me forever. She loves me. She's going to see that I did all of this for her. _

A voice trembled in the dark. The fear evident as it spoke. "Why … are you doing this?" The strength of the voice faded towards the end.

_Stop talking. Stop talking stop talking ! _

"Please let me go. I won't tell anyone. I promise. … please." The voice begged.

"Stop talking. You don't get to talk. Not after everything you did to her. You don't get to talk. How could you do that to her? She is so amazing. And you hurt her. This for everything you did to her. You don't deserve her. I deserve her. This is for her. I love her! And she loves me!"

"What are you talking about? Who is she?"

"She is everything."

Three shots broke the silence. Three muzzle flashes lit the night.

_I'm so close. Just one more and then I can be with her forever. And we'll be happy. Forever and ever. _

_But first I want to see her. I need to see her. I have to see her. _

/

_She's not here. Why is she not her? This is her home. Where is she? Maybe she's with one of her fake friends. Soon she won't have to be around them. I'll take her away. Away from all of them. _

/

Hotch woke. A familiar presence was next to him. He smiled. This was the first time in several days that she had stayed in his arms all night. That he hadn't awoken to find her staring out the window. The funeral had been hard on her. She loved her mom; even after everything that her mother had done to her. He loved that about her. That she was capable of that much love, even to someone who didn't deserve it. _She was going to be a great mother. Whoa, where did that come from? I'm not ready for that. I don't think she is either. _

He lifted his hand and touched her shoulder. This wasn't about sex though, they hadn't had sex since that night she found out about her mother. He just wanted to touch her. To remind him and her that he was here for her. This was about connection. A through line back to the land of the living. Back to happiness. Back to him.

She stirred. He lifted his hand. "Don't stop. That feels good."

He smiled and put his hand back on her body and slowly stroked. Her eyes closed in contentment. This was good. This was right. His hands on her. She noticed her was avoiding certain areas. _Ever the gentleman._ She grabbed his hand and guided down into her center. He stopped his hand from moving. It hovered over her. Waiting for permission. "What are you waiting for an engraved invitation?"

"Are you sure. You haven't wanted to. Well other than that night, and that was different."

"I know, thank you for waiting. But I'm back and it's time we get back to what we do best."

"What we do best huh?"

"Yeah, you know someone told me, this is the best way to start the day. It's supposed to be better than breakfast."

"Really? Must have been a very wise man."

"He has his moments. Now let's see you use that mouth of your for something other than talking."

"Yes ma'am."

/

A couple of hours later they exited the house. Before moving to their cars he pulled her back for a kiss. A long kiss. For the moment the world was forgotten. All that existed was them and the kiss. They didn't notice the man watching them.

_No no no nonononono. This can't be. This isn't right. She's supposed to be with me. Not that humorless stick in the mud boss of hers. This can't be. He must have something on her. Yeah that's it. He's forcing her to do this. She isn't enjoying this. She's just playing along. I'll save my lady. I'll save you from him. He won't touch you again. I promise. He won't ever touch you again._

A/N So I don't have anything to say except thank you for reading and reviewing, and please continue both.


	4. Emily's boyfriend?

A/N Disclaimer I own nothing.

_This is it the final one. After this I get to see her. After this I get to take her away from that evil man that is holding her hostage. She's going to be so happy to see me._

"I remember you. You're-."

_No stop._ A shot rang out. _Breathe. It's ok. He can't tell anyone. He's dead. It's over. Just breathe. Yeah it's over now all I need to do is go home and get it ready for her. Soon my love, soon we will be reunited. Soon you will be mine._

/

When Emily walked into the bullpen she immediately knew something was wrong. There were two men in suits in Hotch's office. From his body language she could read that this was not a social call. Nor was it pleasant. He looked out into the bullpen and his eyes rested on her.

They communicated silently.

_What's going on?_

_It's bad. Come up here._

A sense of dread filled the pit of her stomach. She slowly walked up the stairs. She did not want to go into the office. She walked in. Hotch sent her a small look of love and concern. All that he could allow himself here at work. _What is going on?_ She noticed that Hotch had closed the blinds in the office.

"Agents this is Emily Prentiss, would you please tell her what you just told me?"

"Miss Prentiss-."

"Agent Prentiss."

"Sorry Agent Prentiss, I regret to inform you but your father and brother have both been found dead. They were both murdered."

Her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh my God." Her world started to crumble and everything in it seemed far away. She didn't notice when a pair of strong hands grabbed her and pulled her into his body. She stood limply in his grasp. Nothing registered.

Hotch had noticed the blank look on her face. _Screw the rules and screw the FBI. _He rushed forward and pulled her into his arms. He immediately noticed that she was unresponsive. It was almost like her brain had shut down. He dismissed the other agents, and continued holding her. He lightly stroked her back, trying to bring her back to him. Part of him was glad that she was allowed a few moments were she wouldn't hurt. Even if she had to shut down to get it. But the rest of him knew that it wasn't healthy she would need to grieve, and to do that she would need to feel. All he could do was hold her and be there for her.

It was nowhere near enough.

After a few minutes she slowly started to come back to the land of the living.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I would ask if you were ok, but that seems like a really stupid thing to say."

She let out a small chuckle.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"What's there to say? … Why is this affecting me?"

"There your family."

"In a biological sense. But we were never a family. I haven't seen my brother in years."

"What happened?"

"He didn't want anything to do with us. He told us he never wanted to see us again. We were close when we were kids. We fought, but it was always us against the world. And then one day it was all over."

"That must have been hard."

"Yeah. My father wasn't much better. I loved him, but he was never there. I only have these odd, random memories of him."

"Are they good memories?"

"Some of them. But mostly I remember him not being there, promises made that were never kept, and the moments where we were going to do something and he got called away to work."

"It's not wrong to grieve for them. Even if they weren't a good family. They were your family."

"Yeah. Hey, you're holding me."

"Did you just now notice that?"

"No, but we're in the office."

"Yes."

"I thought we were going to keep this out of the office."

"We were but it seemed cruel to make you go through this alone. And your boss wouldn't be much help to you in this situation, but your boyfriend might."

"_Boyfriend._ A little presumptuous there Aaron."

"What else am I going to call myself? Your secret _lover. _Your consistent booty call."

"Ohh. I like that one. We are definitely calling you that when the team asks us what we are."

Hotch said nothing just let his head fall in shame. Emily smiled. _It's so fun to tease him._

"Oh god the team. What are they going to say?"

"They're going to be happy I'm getting some. Well at least Dave will. Now I won't have to refuse his attempts to set me up."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Dave's been trying to set you up? For how long?"

"He started about a month after the divorce papers came in. Then again a couple of months after Haley died. He said I needed to get laid. He said it wasn't healthy."

"Well you can tell him you're making up for lost time. … One second thought don't tell him that."

Aaron smiled. "Do you want to go back to work, or do you want to go home?"

"Work. At home I would just be going nuts thinking with nothing to do here I can be doing something."

"You know the UnSub is someone from your life. We are going to need a list of people who had grudges against your family."

"It's going to be a long list."

"Yeah. But they fact that they have targeted your whole family says something. Also your going to need protection."

"Hotch no."

"Emily please. I know you're an agent and more than capable of taking care of yourself, but this guy is good. Your mother had protection and it didn't stop him. We need to do everything we can to make sure he doesn't get you."

Emily sighed. "Yeah you're right. But I don't like it."

"I didn't expect you would."

"What are we going to do about Strauss?"

"I don't know, but I'll figure something out. Now go on get back to work."

Emily walked to the door.

"Emily I … … I want you to know I'm sorry." He finished lamely, not able to say what he really wanted.

Emily said nothing but gave him a sad smile and walked back to her desk.

_Weak. What is wrong with you? Why couldn't you say it? Chicken._ He sat down and tried to work, his mind continuously mocking him.

A/N All right things are now going to get interesting. Hopefully I'll post in a couple of days. It would help if I got several reviews, it brings my muse back faster.


	5. Emily's love life interrogation

_It's time. Where is she?_

/

Emily made her way to her desk. The team each made their way over to her. They stood there JJ and Garcia made their way to her and put their arms around her. The team stood there silently offering their support and condolences.

After a few minutes Emily spoke up. "Thanks guys. And thanks for not saying you're sorry. I don't think I could deal with platitudes."

That brought a sad smile to everyone's faces.

The team all shuffled away. They didn't say anything about earlier, but Emily could tell that this was merely the calm before the storm.

Lunch came around and the Garcia came to her desk.

"What can I do for you Garcia?"

"We want to take you for lunch."

"Lunch huh? Is that all?"

"Well we might have some questions?"

"Subtle I see?"

"Honey you had to know this day was coming."

"Yeah but not today."

"Today might be the best day sugarplum. Maybe it will give you something to think about."

"Oh goody the team's interrogation of my love life. Excuse me while I go and jump for joy."

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you honey."

"Fine. Let's get this over with. But if I am going to be interrogated we are going to a nice restaurant and you guys are buying."

"Whatever you say."

"And I'm bringing Hotch."

"Oh, bringing the boss man."

"I'm not facing the firing squad alone."

_There she is. She's surrounded by the team. She looks sad. They must be hurting her. Don't worry my love soon I will save you. Soon you'll be free of them._

About thirty minutes later they team were all seated comfortably in at their table. Hotch and Emily sat next to each other. Each reveling in the fact that they didn't have to hide their touches. That they could be open.

JJ broke the ice. "So how long has this been going on?"

Hotch and Emily looked at each other. Hotch looked back at the team. "What is a little over three months?"

"Three months." Derek sputtered. "You guys have kept this secret for three months. That's pretty good." He cocked his head in amazement.

Garcia piped up. "How did it happen?"

"We had both liked each other for a while."

"And it was that case in Portland. All those kids." Emily's eyes grew dark and sad. She looked away.

Hotch noticed and put his arm around her and pulled her into his chest. "We got a drink and started talking. A couple of drinks later all of a sudden we were in my room and going at it like rabbits."

"Ever the romantic Aaron."

"Shut up Dave."

Silence took over the room. Hotch continued to hold Emily, but she was starting to get back to normal. Dave broke the silence. "What are you guys going to do about the Bureau?"

"We don't know yet. We hadn't gotten that far. Then this happened. Looks like it forced our hand."

Emily got up and excused herself. She walked slowly to the bathroom.

"Dave if we needed you, could you help us."

"Sure Aaron whatever you need."

"So is this interview over, can we get back to our regular broadcasting?"

"Your interview is over, boss man. But Emily's is just beginning. Speaking of which JJ you want to come with me?"

"Yeah."

Garcia and JJ made their way to the bathroom.

Hotch's face got serious. "Someone is targeting Emily's family, Emily could be next."

"Are their any leads on who did this?"

"Statistically most attacks are by people that the victims knew. Since the UnSub has taken out all of her immediate family. It's likely that Emily knows the UnSub."

"I have her working on a list of possible suspects. But with her parents work that list is going to be huge. Morgan you're our expert on obsessional crimes I want you to take the first look at it."

"Sure thing Hotch."

JJ and Garcia came rushing back to the table. "Hotch does Emily smoke?"

"What no why?"

"She's not in the bathroom. And she is obviously not here."

Their body languages all changed. Where once sat people now federal agents stood. Immediately they moved throughout the restaurant looking for their lost agent. All silently hoping for the best, each dreading the worst.

After a minute they all met outside coming from all directions. The disappointment and fear written on their faces.

"Where is she?"

Hotch grabbed his cellphone and dialed her number. The team heard a faint ringing in a back alley. They searched through the trash. Morgan grimly pulled out a cell phone.

Hotch screamed out an unintelligible noise filled with pain and slumped to the ground. A broken man sitting in and surrounded by trash and broken toys.

"Hotch we will find her. I promise you we will find her. We're going to get this son of a bitch."

No one said what they all feared. Would they find her alive?

/

_I got her. She's here with me. Hopefully she'll forgive me for drugging her. Of course she'll forgive me. She'll understand I had to get her away from those people. I love her. It's going to be ok._

/

_Ohh my head. Where am I? What's the last thing I remember? I was in the restaurant. I remember smelling something sweet, and then black. Shit he got me. Fuck. What am I going to do? Ok calm down Emily, breathe. You need to stay calm. You're not going to get out of this is you freak out. Poor Aaron he must be losing his mind now. I have to get back. I have to see him and Jack again. All right look around the room what do you see? Oh my god. It's my room. It's decorated exactly like my bedroom from when I was sixteen? What they fuck is going on? _

A door opened a man stepped through.

_Oh my god. I remember him. _"I remember you. You lived at the Embassy."

"I knew you would remember me. I knew it. You love me to."

_Oh shit. He loves me. Fuck. This is going to suck._

_A/N So things are going to start to get interesting from now on. I am taking the weekend off. I will back Monday morning. With the next chapter. Also an incentive to review, I will give my 30th reviewer a one shot about whatever or whoever of your choice._


	6. Emily's safe place

A/N So this is the first chapter that has rape. It also has Emily getting beaten up. I have put a warning before the rape happens in the story, but after Aaron's section the story gets darker. We start with Emily getting beaten and then raped. If you don't want to read that you can skip down to the end and I will put a summary of some key moments in Emily character in my A/N at the end. So on with the story.

Emily was not going to show fear. She was terrified. But she wasn't going to let him see it. She was going to push the fear into a little box and rationally figure a way out of this nightmare. He was talking about something, but she wasn't really listening. _Ok think Emily, how are you going to get out of this? I am not tied up so I could fight him._ She looked at her kidnapper, he was big at least 6' 1". _Well let's call that plan B._ The chloroform wasn't out of her system, she was still tired and dizzy. _He loves me. I can play on that._ She thought of that home invasion case in Nashville the team went on after Foyet killed Haley. _As much as I detest this, I think I'm going to have to play along. It'll buy me time, until I can figure a way out, or until Aaron and the team find me. Although it's unlikely the team is going to find this guy soon. I don't even remember his name. Wait what did he say? _"What did you say, your face was turned away I couldn't hear you?"

"I knew you would remember me. I knew that you felt our connection. Even after all of these years, a love like ours would stand up to anything. But I had to prove my love to you. Show you what you are worth." His voice turned darker and angrier. "And I wanted to punish your family. They didn't deserve you. …" His voice got soft and he stepped forward and tenderly touched Emily's cheek. She had to fight down the vomit, and her instinct to flinch or run. "They hurt you. But I promise you they can't hurt you anymore. It's just going to be you and me from now on. … You are so amazing. I love you."

_Don't throw up. Don't throw up. Don't throw up. Don't throw up. Oh god. Aaron I need you and I need you now. Ok breathe. What did Aaron say was the trick to acting, "Commit to the role. If you believe it the audience will believe it." I better get the fucking oscar after this. _She softened her face and smiled. _Think of Aaron._ She put her hand on his faceand stroked his cheek with her thumb. "Thank you. You will never know how happy what you did made me." _Cause it didn't make me happy you worthless sack of shit. No. Stop thinking like that, commit. _

"I knew it. I'm sorry I had to drug you. I knew that the BAU was holding something over you. I had to get you away from those people, especially your boss Aaron Hotchner."

_Fucking A, does he know about me and Aaron. What am I going to say now? How do I sell this?_

"It's ok. I know he was forcing you."

_Whew, don't have to explain that._

He didn't notice her momentary flicker of relief across her face. "But you don't have to worry. He can't ever get to you again."

_You're wrong Aaron's coming for me. The team is going find me. And when he gets he's going to kick your ass. That or hold you down so I can kick your ass. Not that I'm going to need any help kicking your ass. Just as soon as this drug gets out of my system, I am so kicking your ass. _

"I'm going to protect you from them. I promise." He pulled her into a hug. They stood there for a few moments in silence.

_Finally I get to touch her. It is so much better than I thought it would be. She is so beautiful. I can't wait any longer. It's time. _

His hands started to roam down her body. _Crap. I'm so not going to play along with that. Well it's now or never. _

She kneed him in the groin. He let out a pained groan and slumped down to the ground. Emily whirled and ran out of the room. She ran quickly through the large house. She headed for the front door and threw it open. _Crap I'm in the middle of nowhere. There doesn't appear to be any neighbors. I need to find a car. C'mon if I was a car where would I be? … Barn._ She ran at full speed. She knew she only had a couple of moments before he recovered and she needed to be far away before that happened. She opened the barn door. It was heavy and it took her a moment.

Time she didn't have.

She ran to the van parked there and opened the door. She frantically searched for the keys.

There were none.

"You bitch. I did everything for you. And this I how you repay me? You're just like the rest of them. You're going to pay for this."

She could hear his voice outside of the barn. She knew he was coming in. There was going to be no time to hide. No time to ambush him.

_This is it. The moment of truth._

/

Hotch was losing his mind. _I am standing here on my own two feet and losing my mind. I have to stay strong. I have to keep sane. I can't go crazy. I have to find to find Emily. I can't fail her. Not her. I have to find this guy. And then I'm going to kill him. That or let Emily kill him. _He chuckled darkly. He allowed himself a moment to enjoy the thought of Emily killing this bastard. _Ok I have to find her. I can't think about anything else but finding her. _"Do we have anything yet?"

"Hotch we got this. We're going to find her." Morgan's voice was calm and soothing. Or at least that's what he was going for. _I can't believe Hotch is having to go through this again. Should I tell him to go home? Can I tell him to go home? I wouldn't want to go home. But he's way too emotionally invested in this case. He might not be able to work it objectively._

"Don't tell me we got this Morgan, she's been kidnapped by an UnSub who has just killed her entire family. She's been missing for 8 hours. We have to find her now."

Dave walked over and gently grabbed Hotch's arm and softly tried to pull Hotch away.

Hotch tried to pull his arm away. But Dave had a solid grip on his arm.

"Let go of me Dave." His words came out in a snarl. He was looking for a fight. He needed a release. He needed to hit something.

Dave didn't let go and spoke in a soft voice. He had to calm the younger Agent down or this was going to go really badly. "Aaron … Aaron come with me. Let's get some air."

"Dave-"

Dave didn't raise his voice. He couldn't afford that. He couldn't afford to escalate this. "Aaron … come with me."

Aaron grinded his teeth and stared at Dave. _I don't want to fight Dave._ He couldn't keep the frustration out of his voice. He growled, "Fine Dave, let's go." He shook Dave's grip from his arm. _I'm not getting led out of here like a child._

They walked away from the team. They walked out of the bullpen. When they had gotten far enough away from everyone Dave went into an empty office, Hotch followed. Hotch let his control slip just a little he hit the wall with the bottom of his fist. He couldn't scream, that would attract attention. He didn't need any extra attention.

"Aaron you got to get a grip."

"Dave she's been kidnapped. She's in the hands of someone who murdered her family. She could …"

"I know Aaron. And we are all hurting. But you have got to focus. We can't afford for you to running around half-cocked. Emily can't afford it."

Hotch leaned his head against the wall and exhaled forcefully. "Dave I can't lose her."

"We are not going to lose her. We are doing everything we can, Garcia is running checks on everyone that crossed their family's lives."

"She's been doing that for days. We've been looking for this guy since he killed her … the Ambassador. We got nothing."

Dave walked over and put his hands on Aaron's shoulders, and looked him in the eyes. "Aaron I need you to listen to me very carefully." His words slowed, they were calm and deliberate. "We are going to find her. I promise you."

"We never make promises in this line of work."

"I'm making one now."

Aaron said nothing just looked away.

_I should have told her I loved her._

/

She stepped out of the van. She quickly ran to the other side of the van and looked around for anything that could be used as a weapon. She couldn't see anything.

He walked into the barn without any hurry. He was confident. There was no way he was going to beat by a girl. He looked around the empty barn. He knew she was here. _You want to play I can play._ He called out in an annoyingly playful voice. "Are we playing hide-and-go-seek now? Come out come out wherever you are. I'm going to find you. And when I do, I am going to rip of all of your clothes and then we are going to have a lot of fun. Just you and me. We are going to have a lot of fun for the rest of our lives."

_Don't throw up. Just keep it together. Quick strikes, incapacitate him, and then call for help. You can do this Emily. _He calmly strode past where she was hiding. She stealthily moved behind him. She tightened her fist into as tight a ball as she could and kidney punched him with as much force as she could muster.

He gave out a pained grunt and swung backwards in surprise and pain with his left arm. She ducked under it, and kicked him in the knee forcing the kneecap away from his body. He stumbled back, and clutched his knee. She started dancing lightly on the balls of her feet.

His features screwed up in pain and anger. "You bitch. I'm going to make you pay." He shrugged off the pain and advanced on her.

_Crap I'm in trouble. _

He threw a heavy left, she ducked under it and delivered another kidney shot. The rage and adrenaline allowed him to shake it off. He swung backwards with her right and got a glancing blow to her head. She stumbled. She managed to get her feet under her and get back into a fighting stance.

He smiled ferally. "You got some fight in you, I like that. I'm going to wear you out." He advanced slowly on her, he didn't want her to use his momentum against him. She gave ground, she needed another move, she couldn't afford to get into a clinch with him.

Her body collided with the hard wooden wall. There was nowhere to run. She was trapped. He smiled. He had won. Now it was time to collect his prize.

She threw a right at him, he caught her wrist and punched her in the gut. She doubled over. The pain made her see stars. He jerked her head and viciously punched her in the face. He punched her again and again. She slumped against the wall and slid down. She was in and out of consciousness.

He roughly grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder. He carried her back into the house. He took her to another room. She wasn't the girl he had fallen for. She didn't deserve anything special.

(A/N so this is the section with the rape.)

He ripped her shirt off, her creamy skin exposed to his lecherous gaze. He pawed at her boobs. He struggled momentarily with her bra before ultimately ripping it off of her. He mouth latched onto on her breasts.

Feeling his slimy mouth on her nipple brought Emily's focus back. She tried to get out from under him. She tried to get away. "Get off of me you sick fuck. Leave me alone."

He punched her in the side. She could feel two of her ribs give way, and it hurt to breathe. She gasped trying to replenish the oxygen that had just vacated her body. She was trapped. She couldn't was in too much pain to stop him, not that she could fight him if she wasn't in pain. There was nothing she could do. This was going to happen. She could feel her mind starting to take her somewhere else. Some place safe. Far away she could feel cold air hitting her now exposed legs. A few seconds later she was naked and there was nothing to protect her.

She felt him enter her. And that was the last thought she had. Her mind flew away and she went somewhere safe. Somewhere he couldn't go. Somewhere he could never touch her.

Her mind went to her time with Aaron.

And for a brief moment she was safe. And the world was wonderful.

_Aaron I love you._

_Save me._

A/N So for those of you who skipped Emily's mind went to a safe place, and her safe place is Aaron. I'm going to do this summary every time Emily gets raped or tortured, so you don't have to worry. Let me know what you thought, it's my first time writing something like this, I'm curious how I did.


	7. Emily's bad news

A/N So I'm sorry it took me so long to put this up, but I've fallen behind in my three stories. I promised I would give a warning for every chapter that has rape. And this chapter has rape. I put a warning in before it happens.

Hotch looked like hell. His suit was rumpled, his eyes were bloodshot and had dark bags under them. His hands had a small but noticeable twitch to them, the caffeine flowing through his system, one of two things keeping him awake, was having an adverse affect on his body.

He wouldn't leave though, the other thing that was keeping him awake, the guilt wouldn't leave him. It haunted him, drove him to look over every detail of the case over and over again. He was riding the team hard, somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that. He knew he needed to back off. But he couldn't. He had to find her. He had to save her. He couldn't lose her. He loved her. _You save the ones you love right?_

_Right?_

_Except I don't. I lost Haley. I couldn't save her. I couldn't stop a mad man from ending her life. Can I really stop this guy? Can I save her?_

He slumped down on the floor. And pulled his knees into his chest, wrapped his arms on the tops of his knees, and laid his head down on the tops of his arms. He had nothing left. She was gone, and he couldn't get her back. He was failing her. Just like he had failed Haley.

A tear escaped from his eye, and started its solitary journey down onto his sleeve.

The team didn't bother him. They knew he was at the end of his rope. There was nothing they could do for him. The only thing that would help was Emily home safe and sound. But as much as they hated to admit it, they weren't any closer to finding her. They needed him to make a mistake. They needed to get lucky.

They were all on edge. Why did this keep happening to them? First Reid, then Emily and Reid, then Foyet. What was it about their lives that attracted the crazies?

/

The first thing she noticed as she came back to consciousness was the pain. Blinding pain. Pain throughout her body, but she could feel it the most in her face and ribs. Especially as she took a breath. She winced and put her hand protectively across her side.

The next thing she noticed was his presence. Without opening her eyes she could him staring at her. She could feel his gaze on her. She felt sick. She was helpless, she knew it. She couldn't stop it, she leaned over the bed and emptied the contents of her stomach. She wiped her face with her hand, leaned up, and looked at her kidnapper. "That's what you do to me. That's the effect you have on me."

"You ruined it. All of it. Our love was so beautiful, and now it's ugly. It's all your fault. And now you're going to pay!" He left the room and slammed the door behind him.

_Real smart Emily. Poke the bear. Brilliant. They should teach that tactic at the Academy. _She lay back down and culred up into herself. She knew what her body language projected, scared and vurnerable, but she didn't care. It lessened the pain slightly. And right now that was all that mattered.

/

_This isn't right it wasn't supposed to be this way. She was supposed to love me. What happened? Why doesn't she love me? ... It's him. He turned her against me. He filled her head with lies. He poisoned her. I have to kill him. Then she'll love me. Then she'll come back to me. Then she'll be mine forever._

/

Hotch sat slumped against the walls outside of the FBI Aacademy. A cigarette burning in his right hand. He occasionally absently took a drag. His mind didn't seem to register that he was smoking. It was a million miles away. It didn't matter that he had quit smoking years ago. Today he needed a cigarette. All that mattered was surviving the day and getting Emily back. The rest was inconsequential.

He was out there to recover. To get back the strength and the will to fight. To dig deep so he could save the woman he loved. To do that he needed to beat back the depression and the hopelessness that he was feeling. But it was a losing battle, all he could see was Emily's dead body. That image haunted him, and he couldn't escape it. There was a very real chance that they wouldn't find her. And that was too much for him. He flicked away the cigarette.

He was so lost in his sadness and pain that he didn't notice the man that was approaching him. He didn't take note of the man until the man had gotten to close and had kicked him. Hotch ducked at the last second so the blow only glanced of his head, but still he saw stars. He managed to roll away from his attacker and rose on shaky legs. He stood facing the man that was screaming at him.

"It's all your fault. You took her away from. You poisoned her. I'm going to kill you."

_What is he talking about? Who did I take away from him? _Hotch studied the man standing before guy was over 6', not thin, but not muscle bound, sturdy looking. He had brown hair.

The man threw a right hook. Hotch leaned back and turned sideways his right shoulder back. The man's fist harmlessly flew past Hotch's face. Hotch threw his right arm forward the momentum adding more force as his fist connected with the attacker's face. The man grunted and staggered back.

"It's your fault she doesn't love me. You made her forget. Does your boss know what you've done with her? Do they know you sleep with her?"

_Emily. He's talking about Emily. He's the guy that has Emily. _

The man lunged forward as Hotch started to draw his gun. They went down together they man punching Hotch in the face as the gun cleared the holster. The man grabbed Hotch's wrist and they struggled with the gun. It fell from Hotch's hand and skittered away. The man punched Hotch again, his momentum almost carried him off Hotch. Hotch recovered and punched the man. The man staggered back Hotch lunged for his gun. The man turned and ran away. Hotch grabbed his gun, and whirled to level the gun on his captor. But the man was already gone. Hotch ran out of the alley, but the man had disappeared.

_Fucking A. I had him. He was right there. And I let him get away. Dammit. I'm going to find you you bastard. I'm going to find you and kill you. I've seen your face. You can't hide forever._

Hotch walked back into the bullpen. The team met him.

JJ moved forward and lifted her hand, but stopped just short of the cut on his face. Concern filled her face and voice. "Hotch what happened to you?"

"He came here. The UnSub who took Emily. He came here."

"Why would he do that?"

"He said something about, I took her away from him. I poisoned her against him. He said he was going to kill me."

"So he's obssessed with her. And he's eliminating people that are threats to him. People she loves, until all that remains is him." Dave commented aloud.

"I think so. Garcia I need you to find anyone who ever had a relationship with Emily. He said something about her forgetting, but it wasn't all delusional. I think they had a relationship even if it was one-sided. I think he's done this to Emily before."

"I'm on it boss man."

/

Emily slowly woke up again. Her throat was dry. She tried to create some salivia in her mouth, but she didn't have a lot; it wasn't enough. She moved to get off the bed, but pain shot through her body the second she moved. She stilled, and the pain subsided a little. _Ok mental note don't move. Stay still. At least ... what is his name again? John ... Jimmy ... Jared his name was Jared. At least he's been gone for a while. I need water, now matter how much it hurts. _She braced herself for the pain. She slowly, glacially slowly, sat up. Her head swam, she drifted in and out of awareness. She repeated everything once again when she stood up. _Ok that was fun. _She looked around the room. In a corner there was a glass of water._ Now let's try walking. _She walked towards the water, as she walked the pain lessened slightly. She slowly picked up water and took a small drink. She continued to slowly sip the water until the glass was empty.

She slowly put the glass down, she was feeling a little better. The pain wasn't quite as bad. _Now let's get out of here._ She took a look around the room. It was exactly like her old bedroom, down to the last detail. But that didn't help her. She moved towards the door. She tried to open it, but it was locked. _Damn that would have been nice. _She took another look around the room. She noticed a painting. _That's not ..._ She moved towards the painting. _Oh my god it is. Where did he get this? _She was looking at her favorite painting from when she was a kid. It didn't have a name, it was done by a street artist she found when she was in Paris. As she stared at the painting she heard the door slam. _He's here. _

A few moments later he opened the door. He had some cuts and bruises on his face. _What happened to him?_

"I found your boyfriend." He spat.

_Oh god Aaron. Please no. Not that._

"Now your mine forever."

(A/N This is the section with the rape.)

He came at her quick. He grabbed her and threw her on the bed. She gasped in pain. He slowed down. He put his hand tenderly on her face and stroked her cheek. "I did this for us. So we could be together. So it could be like it was."

"Like it was. We had one kiss 20 something years ago. It wasn't any grand thing. We were kids."

"NO! We loved each other. And we will love each other again." He leaned down and pressed her lips to his. She tried to move away. But his hand kept her head in place. He leaned back. "I'm sorry I hurt you before. I don't want to hurt you."

"Then let me go."

"I love you. I'll take care of you. Your Agent Hotchner couldn't take care of you. I would never let something like this happen to you." As he spoke his hand moved from the bed and moved over her shirt up her body.

She tried to move her body away. "Do you hear yourself? You say you would never let something like this happen to me. But you are doing this to me."

"I love you and you love me. I know you do. You've just forgotten. But don't worry I'll help you remember." He grabbed her shirt and pulled it off her body.

A surge of adrenaline kicked in and she punched him. It didn't have a great effect, on her back she her punch didn't have a lot of power.

He jabbed her in the side. She cried out and curled up. "Stop fighting me. Stop fighting us. I don't want to hurt you."

She knew what was coming. She couldn't get away this time. This time she was trapped. She could feel it all. His hands on her body as they explored. There were large and cumbersome. His mouth and tongue felt wrong the wet salivia hung on her body. She had never thought about it, but it felt disgusting now. He stripped her of her clothes. But it wasn't harsh and violent like last time, it was almost tender. He was trying to make love to her. She gasped in pain when he entered her again. She wasn't healed yet.

"I'm sorry. I'll try to be gentle." Every movement he made hurt her. Tears filled her eyes, but she wasn't going to cry. She was not going to let him see her cry.

It lasted forever. It seemed to never end. Eventually his movements became frantic and his breathing shallow. Finally he finished. He looked down at her face.

"Was that good for you?"

A/N So I'm not getting a lot of response from people. Are you guys still reading the story? Cause If you're not, I'm going to let myself slow down. I've got three stories going, and the reason I was able to post so consistently was I had several chapters written before I posted. Well I'm now caught up. So if no one's reading. I'm not going to worry about going slow. But if you are reading thank you from the bottom of my heart. Also if you skipped the rape not much happened, except that the guy wasn't violent like last time. This time he tried to make love to her. He was his version of sweet and gentle.


	8. Emily's dream

A/N All right So that was an amazing response from you guys, so I will not be slowing down. Also someone called "me" wrote me 4 reviews, and missed being my 30th reviewer by mere moments so if you PM me I'll write you a one shot of your choice as a thank you. But I don't know who you are so you need to write me. Thank you to everyone who reviewed.

After round two Emily fell into a fitful sleep.

She started to dream. A dream about a perfect day. She and Aaron had been dating for a couple of months. They had been lying in bed.

"Do you want to meet Jack?"

_Where did that come from?_

"Emily did you hear me? Do you want to meet Jack?"

"That's a big step."

"Yeah it is. But this isn't a fling for me. I think this could be something real. Something that goes the distance."

"You do?"

"I do."

"Then yes I would love to meet Jack. When?"

"We could do it today if you wanted. I'm picking him up from Jessica's in a little while."

"Ok."

/

Emily stood next to Aaron as he rang the doorbell. She didn't want to admit it, at least not out loud. But she was terrified. _What if he doen't like me? What is going to happen to me and Aaron? Ok stay calm. He's going to like you. It's going to be ok._

Jack was hiding behind his father's legs his face buried in them. Hotch was looking behind him. "Jack this is Miss Emily. She's very important to daddy. Can you say hi?"

Jack poked his head out from behind Aaron's legs. "Hello, my name is Jack."

Emily lowered herself so she was eye level with Jack. "Hello Jack. It's nice to meet you."

"Are you coming to the park with us?"

"Can I come? Do you mind?"

Jack thought about it for a minute. "It's ok if you come."

Emily laughed. "Thank you."

/

"Emily come play with me."

Emily got up from where she had been sitting with Aaron, and ran over to Jack. She grabbed him and lifted him high into the air. Aaron laughed at the sound of Jack's squeals. "Daddy save me."

Hotch ran over. "Buddy what's going on?"

In between laughs Jack breathlessly said, "Emily's got me daddy. Save me."

Aaron tackled Emily who yelped in surprise. "Hurry Jack get her. Get her."

Jack jumped on Emily and started tickling her.

They rolled on the ground until, they couldn't laugh anymore.

/

Later Emily helped tuck Jack into bed. "Did you have fun, baby?"

"I did, Emily. Are you going to be here when I wake up?"

"Yes baby. I'll be here. Sweet dreams." She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. She turned off the light and opened the bedroom door.

"That's good. I want you around all the time."

/

As they got ready for bed. Aaron looked over. "He liked you. And you were worried that he wouldn't."

"How did you-? Yes he did like me. Do you know what he said when I tucked him in?"

"What did he say?"

"He said he wanted me around all the time."

"That seems to be an effect you have on Hotchner men. We want you around all the time."

"Well, then I guess I'll just have to be around all the time." She climbed onto the bed, and crawled over to him. He met her halfway. As they kissed he grabbed her and gently threw her on the bed.

"Aaron we can't do that. Not with him in the next room."

"He sleeps like the dead. Besides, I don't have a problem being quiet."

"Oh yeah, just for that I'm going to make you scream."

"Promises, promises. Let's see you back up your your big mouth."

"My mouth can do a lot more than talk." Her voice soft and sultry.

"Really? What did you have in mind?"

/

Emily smiled as she thought about what they had done that night. She had gotten Aaron to scream more than once. Of course he got her to scream several times. And he was right Jack slept like the dead.

She woke up with a smile on her face.

Her first smile since she had been abducted.

_Aaron's alive. I know it. There's no way he would let Jared kill him._

_I have to let him know where I am._

_A/N So a little bit of happiness and peace because the next couple of chapters are going to be bad. The story jumps around and ignores many details because I was going for a dream feel, and dreams at least my dreams don't focus on many of the details. __My goal is to post chapter nine on monday. And hopefully chapter 10 on tuesday. But to do that I need to take the weekend of to write. Also review keep them coming._


	9. Emily's escape attempt

A/N I changed oneline from Chapter 8 it's the second to last line. It changes the story in a small way that will make sense later. Ok here we go.

_Ok think Emily you have to let Aaron know where you are. How are you going to do that?"_ She slowly sat up. Her muscles screaming as she moved. _Ok so we still can't fight him. Think Emily think. There has to be something._ From beyond the door she could hear someone moving. _Crap here he comes again. Leave me alone._ She didn't want to admit it to herself, but it her mental strength was fading fast. Being held captive, raped, separated from Aaron it was becoming too much. She tried to steel herself to what was coming.

The door opened, but she didn't turn to look. She knew who it was.

It was the silence that caused her to turn.

He was standing inside the room holding a syringe. He advanced slowly. He got to within five feet. A burst of fear and adrenaline hit Emliy she lunged forward grabbed the arm that held the syringe and jabbed it into his left arm. He stumbled back and slumped down against the wall.

Emily hobbled as fast as she could from the room. Her plan was different this time she knew she couldn't escape. But she could call her team and they could come get her. But first she needed a phone. She found an office she picked up the phone and dialed a very familiar number. The phone started ringing in relief she slumped against the wall.

"Hotchner."

At hearing the voice of the man she loved Emily let out a loud and contented sigh. "Oh Aaron you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice."

Aaron couldn't believe the voice he heard on the other end of the line. It had to be a dream. "Emily is that you? Please tell me it's you."

"It's me Aaron. I need a ride. Would you be so kind as to come get me?"

Hotch put his hand over his eyes, he couldn't believe she would make jokes at a time like this. "Where are you?"

"I odn't know. I'm at a farm somewhere. Have Garcia trace the call."

Hotch covered the phone as he ran out of his office. "MORGAN. get Garcia. Emily is on the phone. I need her to trace it and get us a location."

"Aaron stay with me. I need you to keep talking to me."

"I'm here. ... I love you. I should have told you sooner I know. But I need you to know. I love you. I love you with every fiber of my being."

"Emily closed her eyes and smiled. "I love you too. Just keep talking to me. Just keep talking."

"Emily what's wrong. You sound weak, tired?"

Silence was all that greeted Hotch's question. "Emily did ... did he ... did he hurt you?"

"Just come get me Aaron. I need you. Just come get me."

"Morgan where is she?"

"Garcia needs just another minute."

Horror gripped Emily's heart as she heard footsteps getting closer. _No no this can't be happening not now._

Hotch could hear her breath quicken. "Emily what's going on? Emily?"

She could hear Aaron screaming in the background, but her focus was entirely on the man who entered the room. The man with a gun in his hand.

"AARON!"

A gunshot rings out. And for the briefest of moments. And for an eternity. Silence reigns. And then a scream is heard. A scream bourne of unmeasureable pain and sorrow. A scream that makes the hairs on you arms stand up. A scream that makes you regret the ability to feel.

No one moves.

The scream ends and a male voice on the other end speaks.

"There Agent Hotchner. Now we are even. I took her from you. Just like you took her from me."

Hotch's world lost all color. Wordlessly he collapses onto the floor. He can't speak. _She's dead. She can't be dead. There's no world if she's not here. This is a dream. A joke. This can't be real._ He looks up. "Dave tell me it's not real."

Dave can say nothing. He can only look sadly at the distraught man before him.

Hotch jumps up and grabs the lapels of Dave's suit. "Dave tell it's not real. Tell me she's alive. Tell me that madman didn't kill her. ... Tell me it's a dream Dave." He lets go of Dave and stumbles back. "It's a dream. It has to be a dream. It can't be real." He steadies himself momentarily on her desk. He stares at the unfinished paperwork, her computer, the few personal mementos on her desk.

They mock him. They remind him he failed. One more woman he loved that was dead. One more woman he couldn't save. And like before the rage instantly grew. Until in a few seconds all he can see was a red mist. His arm became a violent broom shoving all of her personal effects off of the desk. He grabs folders and rips them in half. He is screaming unintelligible words.

Morgan rushs forward and tries to grab him. He fights him off, and whirls around and punches him in the face. He is going to continue when he sees blond hair and a small woman in front of him. Someone he recognizes. Someone that breaks through the red.

He croaks. "JJ. Tell me it's not true. Tell me it's a lie JJ."

But she can't. He collapses into her arms a broken man. The tears flow from his eyes. The sobs the only sounds that can be heard in the bullpen. The team stands there, silent statues to the grief that he feels.

He cries.

Momentarily safe in JJ's arms. He cries.

He cries until there was nothing left.

He cries until he ceases to exist, and where once stood Aaron Hotchner. Now was only pain and sadness.

/

**hold on to me love**  
**you know i can't stay long**  
**all i wanted to say was, "I love you and I'm not afraid"**  
**can you hear me?**  
**can you feel me in your arms?**

**holding my last breath**  
**safe inside myself**  
**are all my thoughts of you**  
**sweet raptured light it ends here tonight**

**Closing your eyes to disappear,**  
**You pray your dreams will leave you here;**  
**But still you wake and know the truth,**  
**No one is there...**

**Say goodnight,**  
**Don't be afraid,**  
**Calling me, Calling me as you fade to black.**

Later the team gathers, JJ has put Hotch in his office. They stand around each waiting for the others to break the silence. Finally Dave speaks. "How is he JJ?"

"He's catatonic. It's like nothing's getting in. He just blankly stares ahead."

JJ walks over to Reid and he opens his arms for her. She mold her body into his. He says nothing just strokes her back and kisses her forehead. There are no comforting words.

Garcia nervously looks around. "What are we going to do about Jack?"

_Fuck._

That was the team consensus.

What were they going to do about Jack? Had he met Emily? Were they close? How was this going to affect him?

Dave looked up. "We need to talk to Hotch."

"Dave he's not responding to anything."

"He'll respond to this."

The team walked in to the dim office moving slowly. Aaron was sitting on the couch looking straight ahead unblinking. Dave moved forward so he was in Hotch eyeline. "Aaron. Aaron can you hear me. Aaron has Jack met Emily?"

The words floated across the distance till they reached the far corners of Aaron's mind where he was hiding. Jack echoed through the vastness. _What am I going to tell Jack? Is everyone he loves going to die? Is everyone I love going to die?_

Hotch's eyes became focused once again. In a barely audible voice he replied. "Yeah Jack met her. He loves her. He told her ..." A mirthless chuckle escaped from his lips. "He told her, he wanted her around all the time. This is going to break his heart."

"Come on Aaron let's get you home."

/

It was late when they pulled up to Aaron's house. Jessica had waited up. "Aaron where have you been? ... Aaron what's going on? You look like Hell."

Hotch didn't say anything just walked past her towards the kitchen. Jessica watched him walk off and turned towards the team. "What was that?"

"Jessica, sit down. We need to talk."

/

He stood in front of the full bottle staring at it. _Is this really how I want to deal with it? Is this really going to solve anything? ... No, but it will make me feel better. Or make me not feel anything at all. ... ... ... Fuck it._

He poured himself a liberal drink. He picked up the glass and downed the contents in one shot. He walked into the study, and sat down. He poured another drink. He downed it.

/

Dave walked into the dimly lit studio. He took in the room. Aaron sat in a chair, a Jack Daniels bottle about a third full sat on a small table next to him. Aaron didn't acknowledge his presence. Dave walked over and picked up the whiskey. He poured himself a drink, and sat down next to Aaron.

"Is Jessica mad?" His voice was calm. If you didn't know better you would think nothing was wrong.

"No."

"It's late. Where is everyone?"

"They're staying. Most on the floor or couch. JJ is sleeping in the guest room. ... Reid's staying with her."

Hotch's eyebrows rose. "Didn't see that coming."

"I don't think anything has happened or will happen. At least not for a while. I think they are just clinging to each other in this storm."

"Happiness is a wonderful thing. No matter where you find it." His voice had turned bitter. He took another drink.

...

"Is the alcohol helping?"

"It's not hurting."

...

"We say things like "taking the edge off"." He chuckled humorlessly again. "This ... this makes the pain a ninety-nine point nine instead of one hundred."

...

"When are you going to tell him?"

"In the morning. I'm going to break his heart in the morning." He took another drink.

They didn't say anything else. Just sat quietly and finished the bottle.

/

Hotch looked down at the peaceful form of his sleeping boy. _Why? Why did this have to happen? Why can't he know peace?_

He moved to stand over the bed. He softly put his hand on Jack's back and gently shook him awake. "Hey buddy. I need you to wake up. Daddy's got to talk to you."

Jack slowly stirred. He sleppily say up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "What's going on, daddy."

Hotch's voice caught in hs throat. "Buddy ... I ... got some bad news buddy." He put his hand over his mouth. _Why do I have to do this?_ "Something bad happened to Emily. She had to go away. ... She had to go away like mommy. ... She's not coming back."

"Did she met a bad guy like mommy?"

"Yeah buddy she did."

"Are you going away too?"

"No buddy. I'm staying right here."

Jack said nothing just buried his face into Hotch's chest and cried.

**holding my last breath**  
**safe inside myself**  
**are all my thoughts of you**  
**sweet raptured light it ends here tonight**

A/N Review.


	10. Aaron's coping mechanisms

A/N I own nothing especially the songs "Hello" by Evanesance, "Wind Cries Mary" by Jimi Hendrix, and "Yesterday" by The Beattles

Hotch woke slowly, sadly. It had been like this every day. There was no reason to greet the new day. Every day she was gone. And the world had lost its color. He lay in the bed not wanting to face the day. It was hard to face the day now. Without her the world seemed stronger and he seemed weaker.

But today was going to be especially hard. He just wanted a few moments, moments before it all became real. He didn't have to look up to see the black suit that hung from his closet door. It had silently mocked him throughout his sleepless night. He knew he was going to burn it tomorrow. A cathartic moment that he would maybe enjoy. A moment where he might get a brief glimpse of color.

He stood unsteadily. He moved slowly into the bathroom. It seemed like the world was moving in fast forward, but the rational part of his brain knew he was moving in slow motion. He got ready. He knew the team was here. They were going to help with Jack. There weren't going to let him do this alone again.

_Jack. What had he done to deserve this. He had buried one mother and now he was burying Emily a woman he was rapidly becoming like a second mother. Would he ever know happiness again_?

He put the black suit on. A mask slid over his features. This mask hid the pain. It hid it behind a costume, he was a mourner, the suit said that. The suit was a costume, he was playing a part. But he didn't have to feel. He was someone else and the pain wasn't real.

He walked across the immaculately groomed grass. Tombstones and grave markers breaking up what he imagined to be beautiful green grass. He could see the flowers, but they meant nothing to him. He was merely an actor playing a part. None of this was real.

**Playground school bell rings again  
Rain clouds come to play again  
Has no one told you she's not breathing?  
Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to  
Hello**/

If I smile and don't believe  
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream  
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken  
Hello I am the lie living for you so you can hide  
Don't cry

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping  
Hello I'm still here  
All that's left of yesterday

The wodden coffin stood in front of them all. It was empty. They hadn't found a body. Only blood.

Slowly the mourners stood and put the white roses. As they walked past Hotch they touched him conveying their sympathies. He stood silent. There was nothing to say. Finally it was just him and Jack. He bent down and picked Jack up. In Jack's hand was a white rose, he placed it on the coffin. He turned his head into his dad's chest.

Hotch held his son close. There were no words to comfort him. There were no words to comfort either of them. So Hotch did the only thing he could. He held his son close.

/

Later Hotch looks at the room full of mourners. He can't do this again. He can't hear people say they are sorry, cna' hear the platitudes and cliches. The room starts to get smaller. He pulls on his tie. He needs to get out of there. he catches JJ's eye and walks out.

"Hotch what's wrong?"

"I need to get out of here JJ. Watch Jack. Make sure he's ok."

"Hotch. HOTCH." She watches him leave. She's powerless to stop him.

/

Hours later the team is all that's left. Everyone else has gone home.

JJ is holding the sleeping form of Jack Hotchner. "Should we go look for him? He's been gone for hours. What if he's in trouble?"

"He's not in trouble."

"How do you know Dave?"

"I've known him a long time. Trust me. He's not in trouble."

"Rossi where is he? Look man we are all worried about him. After everything that's happened. ..." Morgan's voice trailed off.

"I know we are all worried about him. But believe me, he is ok. And he would not like for you to see where he is."

"What is drunk or something? Come on man, that's to be expected. Does he think we would judge him for that?"

"He's not drunk, although he's probably had a few. He won't come home tonight. But I promise he is ok. ... He needs this. It would be a mistake to go looking for him."

None of them looked like they believed Rossi, but they knew argueing would solve nothing. They could only hope he was right.

/

They were where he expected them to be. It was like they never left, maybe they hadn't. He didn't say anything. He just walked to the piano and sat down. He looked over at the bartender, and lifted two fingers. The bartender came out from behind the bar with a bottle and and rocks glass. He poured some into the glass, then set the bottle down on the piano.

Hotch looked over at the men and nodded. They picked up their instruments and waited for a tune.

Hotch starts to play. He closes his eyes. He loses himself in the music.

**"A broom is drearily sweeping**  
**Up the broken pieces of yesterday's life**  
**Somewhere a queen is weeping**  
**Somewhere a king has no wife**  
**And the wind, it cries Mary**

**The traffic lights they turn up blue tomorrow**

**And shine their emptiness down on my bed**  
**The tiny island sags downstream**  
**'Cause the life that lived is, is dead**  
**And the wind screams Mary"**

As the song come to an end, he switches to another.

**"Yesterday,**  
**All my troubles seemed so far away,**  
**Now it looks as though they're here to stay,**  
**Oh, I believe in yesterday.**

**Suddenly,**  
**I'm not half the man I used to be,**  
**There's a shadow hanging over me,**  
**Oh, yesterday came suddenly."**

He plays through the night. He doesn't stop he can't stop. If he stops it becomes real, he's no longer playing a part. And for now he needs to play a part.

A/N Review


	11. Aaron's promise

The phone rang. "Hotchner."

"Oh Aaron you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice."

"Emily is that you? Please tell me it's you."

"It's me Aaron. I need a ride. Would you be so kind as to come get me?"

Hotch put his hand over his eyes, he couldn't believe she would make jokes at a time like this. "Where are you?"

"I don't know. I'm at a farm somewhere. Have Garcia trace the call."

Hotch covered the phone as he ran out of his office. "MORGAN. get Garcia. Emily is on the phone. I need her to trace it and get us a location."

"Aaron stay with me. I need you to keep talking to me."

"I'm here. ... I love you. I should have told you sooner I know. But I need you to know. I love you. I love you with every fiber of my being."

Emily closed her eyes and smiled. "I love you too. Just keep talking to me. Just keep talking."

"Emily what's wrong. You sound weak, tired?"

Silence was all that greeted Hotch's question. "Emily did ... did he ... did he hurt you?"

"Just come get me Aaron. I need you. Just come get me."

"Morgan where is she?"

"Garcia needs just another minute."

"All right Emily, Garcia needs just another minute. And then I'll be there. And I'm taking you away."

"Taking me away? Who are you and what have you done with my stoic workaholic boyfriend?"

"Somedays work takes second place. You and I, and Jack we are going to the Islands. I have always wanted to see you in a bikini."

"So that's what this is about. I see right through you Aaron Hotchner."

Hotch only laughed.

Morgan started to grab his things and yelled. "Hotch we got here. Let's go."

He didn't need to say let's go, Hotch was already moving. "I'm coming. I'll be there soon."

Hotch got to the SUV, wisely Morgan was in the passenger seat. The car flew to the farmhouse. The wheels touching the ground only a few times. They pulled up to the farmhouse. They looked for where she could be, all they saw was a farmhouse. Hotch was out of the car and to the front door in seconds. He didn't wait for Morgan, he kicked the door in, and moved into the house.

"Emily. EMILY. Where are you?"

"Aaron is that you?"

He could barely hear her voice. He moved toward the sound of her voice. He heard someone bump into a wall. Then he heard her scream.

He sprinted towards the scream. He was moving faster than he had ever moved in his life. He didn't stop when he saw the closed door. He just barreled through it. The man who had attacked him earlier was standing over the woman he loved. He lunged forward and tackled the guy. He started hammering his fists into the mans face and body. A soft sweet voice penetrated his rage.

"Aaron, Aaron. It's ok. I'm ok. Come back to me Aaron." She put her hands on his face. He looked down at the bloody body on the ground. He stood up. He pulled her into his arms. "I'm safe Aaron, you saved me."

He opened his eyes. He was lying on his bed in his room. _Fuck._ He closed his eyes. He wanted to get back to the dream. Every night it was the same thing. He saved her, different ways each night, but always he saved her. Always.

But always he woke up. The harsh light of day crept in and ripped him from the fantasy. He was alone. His hand moved to the empty side of the bed. He slowly stroked the sheets. He closed his eyes, and for a brief moment she was there. Far too quickly the illusion was over and reality sunk back in. She wasn't there. She was never going to be there again.

He stood and got dressed. Not in a suit though, not today, today he would wear casual clothes. She loved him in casual clothes. He looked at the calendar. Monday August 20.

/

He walked across the green grass. He sat down on the stone bench in front of the grave. He put down the bouquet of flowers he had brought. Asphodel, they said my regret follows you to the grave. "I'm sorry I failed you. ... I'm going back. I have to go back. ... I'll save them ... like I should have done for you. I will always love you."

/

He stood in front of the elevator. He closed his eyes and steeled himself. He reached forward and pushed the up button. _Help me._

/

Slowly she opened her eyes. Her head was pounding. A groan escaped her lips. _What's going on?_ It all came rushing back.

_My parents and brother killed._

_Kidnapped._

_Raped._

_Aaron._

_The gun._

_He shot me._

She quickly opened her eyes and checked herself for injuries. There were no bullet holes. She put her hand on her head, and felt a bump. _That's new._

He walked in carrying a newspaper. "Look who's decided to join the land of the living."

"What's going on? You shot me? Didn't you?"

"I did. With a rubber bullet. I "killed" you. You even made the paper." He tosses her a newspaper. She looks at the date, Tuesday, August 14th. There's an article about fallen FBI Agent Emily Prentiss.

"Now everyone thinks you're dead. They won't be looking for you anymore. Especially your Agent Hotchner. Now you're all mine. Forever."

_Forever. That word had never sounded so ominous._

A/N SHE'S ALIVE! *Hands in air looking to Heaven, looks around* Ok that was a little too dramatic. Let me know what you think. Review.


	12. Emily's ghost

A/N I hit 50 reviews, thank you all so much. As ever I own nothing including "My Immortal" by Evanesance.

**I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears**  
**And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave**  
**Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone**

Hotch slowly opened his eyes. He didn't want to be awake. He'd had the dream again. Once again he had saved Emily. Once again she was in his arms. And now he was awake. And she was gone. He stood and walked to the closet. He opened the door and the first thing he saw was her work clothes. He looked around the closet and saw it filled with her clothes, her shoes. _When did my closet become hers?_ He pulled down his favorite shirt of hers. It was red, his favorite color, he loved the way she looked in this shirt. He brought it to his face and breathed in her scent.

He remembered. He remembered the first time she wore this shirt. It was around the time he had stopped looking at her like a subordinate and more like a woman. This shirt banished all thoughts of her as only a subordinate forever. He remembered the pleasure he had taking it off of her one night. As he kept smelling her clothes more and memories came. Until finally the emotion was to great and he broken down crying.

**These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real**  
**There's just too much that time cannot erase**

**When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears**  
**When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears**  
**And I held your hand through all of these years**  
**But you still have all of me**

**/**

**You used to captivate me by your resonating light**  
**Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind**  
**Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams**  
**Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me**

Hotch stepped off of the elevator. He noticed the empty desk. Someone, probably JJ, had cleaned off her desk. He stopped and stared at the empty desk. He remembered her attempt to hide her high school picture. Her attempt to hide after Reid's physics magic trick. The numerous times he had looked down from his office to see her smiling having fun with Morgan and Reid. He blinked back tears. He wouldn't break down not here. Not where everyone could see.

He rushed to his office. He closed the door. He turned on the desk lamp. It created only a small amount of light in the dark office. The closed blinds allowed in no other light. He pulled out a bottle of scotch. Normally he he only had a glass after a bad case, sometimes Emily and on occasion Dave would join him. Now he had a drink or two just it make it through the day.

**These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real**  
**There's just too much that time cannot erase**

**When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears**  
**When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears**  
**And I held your hand through all of these years**  
**But you still have all of me**

/

Dave opened the door. "Aaron why do you keep coming in? You need time."

"It doesn't seem real Dave. I keep thinking she's going to come through that door and tell me this was all a horrible dream.

...

"She haunts my dreams Dave. Every night she calls and we get there in time. Every night I save her. Every time. ... Except the time it mattered most."

"Aaron there was no way we would have been able to save her. The farm was an hour away. Sometimes ..." He looked at Hotch and could see that a cliche or a platitude would only piss him off. "What the fuck do I know? ... ... Sometimes the bad guys win."

"Life needs to be more like the movies. The bad gys wear black, the good guys white. The bad guy loses and the good guy gets the girl, and they ride off into the sunset."

"I don't know about the good guys wearing white. It doesn't really look good on me."

Hotch chuckled and shook his head.

"It's good to see you smile Aaron."

JJ knocked on the door before opening it. She looked really apologetic.

"We have a case JJ?"

"Yeah, Hotch do you want to sit this one out?"

"No. Maybe this is what I need. Somewhere where she doesn't haunt everything I see."

"We'll meet you in the conference room JJ."

JJ nodded and walked away.

"Are you sure about this Aaron?"

Hotch looked at him long and hard. "I have to be."

Dave nodded. "All right, let's not keep the team waiting."

**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone**  
**But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along**

/

This was defintely the most surreal moment of Emily Prentiss's life. She stood about fifty yards away from where her funeral was taking place. She and Jared were standing n front of a some random grave pretending to be visiting a lost loved one. The real reason they were there was so Emily could see Aaron, and how he was taking her "death".

Don't cry. _Whatever you do, don't cry. _It was all she wanted to do. One look at her love and she knew he would never recover from this. If she couldn't find a way to let him know she was alive, her death would break him. After everything else, it would just be too much. What would become of Jack? She could see him clutching his dad's hand his sad face staring at her coffin.

She wanted to run and tell them that it was ok. That she was alive, and it was all going to be all right. But Jared had a gun trained on her. And he swore that if she did anytrhing the second bullet would find Jack. The third would help Jared commit suicide. Leaving Aaron all alone. She couldn't do that to the man she loved. So she stood silently, and watched as the two men she loved most in the world buried the woman they loved.

She shot a glance at Jared. _I am going to kill you son of a bitch. And I'm going to do it slow, and when you gasp your last breath. I'm going to lean down and laugh in your face. _

/

It had been several days since the funeral. Several days of worry and fear about Aaron and Jack. The only positive had been that Jared had left her alone during this time. She needed to see him though if her plan was going to work though. She couldn't run away, but she could get a message to Aaron.

Luck it appeared was with her today. Jared opened the door. Emily sauntered towards him.

"There you are." She cooed. "I've missed you. I thought you were never going to visit me again." She pouted as she got close to him. She put her hand on his face.

He smiled, and Emily got closer. Suddenly she struck her kneee into his groin. With a groan he crumpled. She dug through his pants looking for his cell phone. She found it. She knew she had only seconds to send a message. Jared was already recovering. He lunged forward and grabbed the cellphone out of her hand. She was smiling though.

"What did you do?"

"I told Aaron I was alive, and now he's going to come for you, and when he finds you he's going to kill you."

He backhanded her. "He's never going to find you." He started raining blows on her, her last thought before she lost consciousness was 'Aaron's coming'.

A/N Let's keep the reviews coming people.


	13. Emily's message

A/N This the moment you have all been waiting for. The moment Hotch finds out Emily is still alive. Let joy be unconfined. Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor.

Aaron stared at his phone. He read and re-read the word on the word on the screen a million times. _Surely this isn't what I think this is? It can't be. Can it?_ He attempted to stand. His legs were jelly and collapsed under his weight.

The team noticed Hotch's collapse. They rushed forward. Dave was the only one who could get close enough to Hotch. The walkway in the jet wasn't big enough for everyone to get close. So they all lined up behind Dave.

Hotch handed Dave the cellphone. "What do you see?"

Dave looked quizzically at the fallen man. "All right I'll bite." He grabbed the phone and read the message. "It says 'disconcerting'. I give up. What does that mean?"

_It can't be. ... It has to be._ Hotch jumped into the air, and rushed forward to kiss Dave on the cheek. Then he pushed past him and continued kissing everyone. After he had kissed the team he fell down to the ground and looked to Heaven. "Thank you! Thank you thankyouthankyouthankyou."

The team was now worried. Hotch had cracked they had all been afraid this would happen. Now what were they going to do.

"Hotch ... are you ok?" Dave asked tenatively.

"Dave I am so much better than ok. Ok is like the bottom on the Mariana Trench. I am on the top of Mount Everest. There is not a word to describe how blissed out I am."

"Ok Aaron. You're starting to scare people."

"She's alive Dave." He collapsed into a seat as the weight of those words hit him. "She's alive. SHE'S ALIVE!" He proclaimed thrusting his hands into the air.

"Who's alive?" They didn't want to hope. It couldn't be true.

"Emily." He let a sigh of contentment and relief. "Emily is alive. And she just sent me a message. ... Garcia." He quickly dialed her number.

"You have reached the oracle that knows all there is to be known. Speak mortal and be heard."

"Ohh, Garcia. For once I can one up you. I know something very worth knowing, and I shall now share it with you. ... Emily is alive. Don't argue and don't question. I got a message from her sent to my phone. I need you to track down the location of the phone that it was sent from."

"But ... uh ... I ..." Garcia sputtered unable to form complete thoughts. _Her gumdrop was alive. How could that be?_

"Garcia I know you want to go into shock right now. But I need to snap out of it. She needs you. She needs us. I don't know how long we will be able to track the signal."

"I'm on it, sir." Never had Garcia's fingers flown so swiftly over the keys. Her gumdrop needed her and she was not going to let her down.

"Aaron. How do you know Emily is alive?" Dave asked tenativelyunsure of what was going through his collegues mind.

"You think I've lost it. You think I'm seeing something that's not there, because I want to see it. ... Well. That makes sense. If I was in your position I would think the same thing. ... Let's just say that this is a message from her to me. It only has significance to me and her. No one else would know what it means, and no one else would know to use it."

"Aaron, I know you're a private man. But this is one time, where we can't let you have your secrets. How do you know the message is from Emily?"

Hotch ran his hand over his mouth. _Am I really going to tell them this?_ He took a long look at his team. They wanted to believe, but they needed proof. _Fuck._ He massaged his temples and with his fingers drew his eyebrows close together. "It's ... uh ... . It's my safe word."

Everyone looked away, except Reid. "Your safe word. Wouldn't safe be the safe word. Or maybe all clear, or-."

"Kid stop please. A safe word, you know ..." Morgan looked at him expecting him to finish the sentance. "Come on Reid don't make me explain it."

Luckily for Morgan Garcia piped up from the cellphone's tiny speaker. "I found it sir. And I have never been more happy to say these words, I have sent the coordinates to your cellphones now."

"Thanks Garcia. I'm going to tell the pilot we have a course correction to make. JJ you better let the local police know what's going on. Have them stake out the place, but no one moves in until we get there. Also we are going to need a warrant to arrest to enter the house. And when we land have EMTs meet us at the address."

JJ nodded and Hotch moved on to talk to the pilot.

The rest of the team sank into the seats, happy for the first time in weeks. She was alive. They had found her. And they were on their way to save her. Today was a great day.

Reid whispered something to JJ.

"I'll explain later." JJ replied putting her hand on his cheek.

/

Hotch was staring out the plane's window. He had been staring out it ever since he sat down after convincing the pilot to turn the plane around. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knwew there would be hell to pay for this. The team was supposed to be flying into Madison, Wi. But this was more improtant. And he would pay any price if it meant he saved her.

But at the forefront of his thougts was impatience. He was sitting doing nothing, while the woman he loved was in the hands of a mad man. Rationally he knew there ws nothing he could do. The palne was flying to their destination with all the speed at its disposal. But still he chafed at his inability to do something. An irrational thought of getting out and walking came over him. He almost smiled at the ridiculousness of the thought. But still he needed to do something.

But there was nothing to be done. So he stared out the window, and hoped he wasn't too late.

/

The team scrambled out of the plane as soon as it landed. The didn't bother with trifles like their bags, they just rushed to the SUVs. They climbed in and gunned the accelerators. Their sirens blaring as a warning to all, get out of the way or get hurt. Several blocks before the UnSubs house they killed the sirens, but did not slow down.

They pulled up to the address that Garcia had sent. They scrambled out and put on their vests. Hold on my love I'm here. And I'm coming for you.

They stood at the door. Hotch nodded at Morgan. Morgan kicked the door in. They moved into the house. They heard the sounds of someone running. They quickly moved in that direction.

They entered the room. The man had his gun pointed at Emily. It was a Mexican stand off except Emily didn't have a gun.

"It's over. Put down the gun and put your hands on your head."

"It's not over Agent Hotchner. It will never be over."

"There's no way out. Put down the gun."

"NEVER."

Time slowed down. Hotch screamed "NO." The Unsub pulled the trigger. And three shots rang out.

Two bodies hit the floor.

Morgan ran towards the UnSub.

Hotch ran towards Emily.

Blood stained her clothes. Some of it old. Most of it from only a few seconds ago. Hotch held her to his chest.

"Aaron." She called out weakly. He gently lowered her so he could see her face. He looked down at her bloody and bruised face. Tears formed in his eyes. "You came for me."

"Of course I did. I love you. I will always come for you. Now I just need you to hold on. The EMTs are right outside and they are going to fix you up. And as soon as your better. I'm taking you away. Far away. Soon we sipping Mai-Tais and lounging around on a beach somewhere. Just you me and Jack. But you have to hang on." A tear fell from his eye and landed on her cheek. He loving brushed it off.

"You lounging around on a beach. That's defintely something I have to see."

"Then hang on. Just hang on."

She smiled at him. "Aaron ... I ... love you." Her eyes rolled back, and her head slumped down.

"Emily. EMILY. NO." The tears flowed from his cheeks. He sobbed. "Emily. Come back. Come back."

He clutched her body to his chest.

Today it seemed was going to be a horrible day.

A/N Review Let me know what you think.


	14. Emily's hospital stay

A/N So this was beta'd by my new Beta starofoberon. Thank you. And now on with the story.

Beep beep beep.

The steady drone of the heart monitor was the only sound in the room.

He didn't hear it. He didn't see the sterile room. All he saw was the woman on the bed. She looked so peaceful, like she was talking a nap. But this nap was one she might never wake up from. The EMTs had managed to stabilize her on the way to the hospital. She had made it through surgery. Well at least her body had made it through. She had lapsed into a coma. The doctors were hopeful that she would wake up. She should recover. All she had to do was wake up.

So he stayed. He was going to be the first thing she saw when she woke up. He held her hand and waited for the woman he loved to come back to him.

"I need you to wake. I need you to come back to me. ... I go to see what my life would be like without you. And it was Hell. ... I can't live without you. Please. I need you to open your eyes.

A knock on the door interrupted his vigil. Dave entered the room. "How is she?"

"No change. She still hasn't woken up."

"Aaron you should get some sleep you've been here for more than a day."

"So has she. I'm not leaving until she does."

"Aaron she's going to be all right. The doctors-."

"The doctors are guessing, hoping. But she hasn't opened her eyes Dave. I keep talking to her, but she hasn't opened her eyes." He was desparate. He had lost her. She had "died". And then she was back alive and in his life. And now she was in a hospital and she might never wake. He just needed her to wake up and tell him she was going to be all right. That she wasn't going anywhere.

Dave said nothing just put on a symapthetic smile and a comforting hand on Hotch's shoulder.

/

Time slowed in the room. It crawled like a man dying of thirst in a burning desert. The rest of the world moved at a normal pace, but in this room time moved languidly. Hotch hadn't moved. He sat in a chair next to the bed, his hands holding on to hers. A connection back to the land of the living. Back to him.

There was a tiny knock on the door, before Jack stuck his head in the room. "Can I come in Daddy?"

Hotch didn't want him to come in. It was bad enough Jack had had to see him in a hospital bed he didn't want him to have to see Emily as well. But Jack had been asking to see her ever since he found out that she was still alive. Hotch smiled softly. "Of course buddy."

Jack walked in solemnly carrying a teddy bear.

"Why are you carrying Bobo, buddy?"

"It's for Emily. He always makes me feel better when I'm sick. Is that good daddy?"

Hotch smiled at the innocence of his little boy, even after all of the horrors he had experienced. "That's a great idea buddy. Here let me help you up." Hotch lifted his son onto the bed.

Jack crawled over and tucked the bear into Emily's side. He then crawled over and kissed her on the cheek. He sat for a moment waiting for something to happen. He turned back to Hotch his face scrunched in confusion. "I kissed her booboo, but she didn't not get better."

"I think she did get better, buddy." Hotch replied trying to keep the sadness and disappointment out of his voice. For a brief second he had hoped that the kiss would would waken the sleeping princess. But it hadn't.

/

JJ knocked on the door. Hotch turned his head slightly so that she could just see the corner of his eye. "How is she?"

"The same." He turned his head back to facing Emily.

JJ walked over to him and putting her hands on his shoulders, she bent down and lightly kissed him on the top of his head. "You should go home and get some sleep."

"I can't leave. Not till she does."

"She's going to be all right."

He said nothing.

JJ walked over to Emily and placed a kiss on her cheek. "You need to wake up soon. We all miss you." JJ pulled up a chair and sat down next to Hotch. They said nothing just sat in silence.

/

Reid walked in to the room and walked over to JJ. She stood up and wrapped her arms around him. They held each other for a moment, and kissed quickly before pulling back. Still holding onto JJ Reid turned to Hotch. "How is she?"

"We really need to come up with a better starter question."

"She still hasn't woken up." JJ offered as she lightly stroked Reid's back.

"Hotch you've been here 48 hours, your body needs sleep otherwise your cognitive function will start to deteriorate."

"Reid I need you to do me a favor."

"Whatever you need."

"I need a dry erase board about 16" long and maybe 10-12" high. And a black marker."

Reid stared at Hotch for a moment. He was defintely confused. He couldn't imagine what Hotch wanted with those things.

"Reid, can you help me?"

"Uh. Sure. I'll go get them now."

"Thanks Reid."

Reid kissed JJ and then walked out the door.

"What's that about."

"Timesaver." Hotch replied mysteriously.

/

He hadn't moved. He didn't have the strength to move. He sat there drained of everything. Not hoping, there was no hope left, but wishing that she would open her eyes. He would have prayed, but he had long since given up on that. He was alone in the room. Reid had come back and after he and JJ sat with him for a while they had left needing to get back to work. For once work was not the focus of Aaron Hotchner's mind. It existed somewhere in back in the far reaches of his mind, but at this moment was so unimportant it was laughable.

Morgan entered the room. "How's she doing?"

Hotch didn't turn, just stayed facing Emily. "No change."

"You should get some sleep."

Hotch said nothing just pointed to the dry erase board on the dresser. It read, "Don't tell me I need sleep."

Morgan said nothing just shook his head and smiled.

"I figured that's what you would say, although I didn't think you would quite so clever about it. So here." He said handing Hotch a coffee.

"Thanks Morgan."

"She's going to wake up you know."

Hotch gave an almost imperceptible nod.

/

Rossi walked in. "Aaron we need to talk."

"Whatever it is it can wait."

"It's Strauss"

...

...

...

"It can definitely wait."

"Aaron."

"I'm not leaving this room. Hang the Bureau. If they can't see that I'm busy, then ..."

"She wants to see you Aaron. My guess is to have a talk about you and Emily. You lost it a little bit during this whole thing."

"Wouldn't you if it was the woman ou loved?"

"I din't think I've ever loved a woman that much, but I get your point. Still you had to know there would be repercussions."

"Later. When she ... ... When this is over. I'll deal with them later."

"Don't do anything rash. I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks Dave."

/

Exhaustion had finally claimed him. His head was turned sideways on the bed. His face looking towards Emily. His hands and her right hand created a makeshift pillow. A little drool had fallen onto her hand.

If he had been awake he would have seen it immediately. He had spent the entire time in the hospital staring at her waiting and waiting for her to move to show signs of life. Her hand moved ever so slightly. Her breathing quickened. Her body shifted slightly. Her eyes slowly fluttered open. The first thing she noticed was the weight on her hand, and the wet spot. She smiled. She could tell by looking at him that he had been here awhile. Then she caught a whiff of him. Ok a long while. She reached over with her left hand and ran her fingers through his hair.

He stirred slowly. He lifted his head and his brown eyes met hers. He stared unbelieving. He slowly lifted a hand and touched her cheek. She leaned into the touch. She smiled at him. He smiled back. She could see he still wasn't convinced. He pinched himself hard leaving a little red mark on his hand.

"Do you believe now? It's me Aaron. It's real."

"I had to be sure. When you were dead I had these dreams. These vivid dreams. Every night I saved you." He looked down at the bed his face twisted in guilt. "Every night I didn't fail."

Emily reached out and took ahold of his face. "You didn't fail. You saved me. I'm here. I'm alive because of you."

"I gave up. I thought you had died. If you hadn't sent me that message ..."

"I'm here now that's what matters. How long?"

"It's been three days."

"Have you been here the whole time?"

He nodded.

"I guess I can forgive the drool then."

He looked up at her sheepishly. "Sorry."

She laughed. "It's ok."

"The doctors. I need to get the doctors. Wait here I'll be right back."

"I'm not going anywhere." She said to his retreating figure. _I'm not going anywhere for a long time. I'm staying forever, if you'll have me._

A/N Again I wish sometimes I could show this to you visually. You would almost have never seen Hotch's face. And the beginnings of scenes wouln't have been so awkward. But I still think it's good. Let me know what you think.


	15. Emily's return to the land of the living

A/N So I have changed how this story is going to go. Originally this was to be the last chapter. Emily never got shot, and she, Hotch, and Jack spent about a month on a tropical island. There was no fall out. Now though I want to explore the fallout. So, I am going to continue this story. I hope you keep reading. Thanks to all of you for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and alerting. It's been a pleasure to entertain.

Aaron brought the doctor in.

"Hi, doc. What's my prognosis?"

"Well, you were shot. Luckily the bullet missed your vital organs. You have broken ribs as well as various cuts and contusions. You should be OK to go back to work in about six weeks, and be field ready in three months or so."

Emily nodded. Normally she would fight this, but after everything she was just glad to alive and back with Aaron. The rest of it didn't matter as much now.

"We're going to keep you here for another day and then you'll be discharged. Do you have anyone to stay with you to help you around the house?"

"She'll be staying with me, doctor."

"Very good. I'll have a nurse go over some things you'll need to know including how to change the bandages."

Hotch nodded.

The doctor turned and left. Hotch wearily sank into the chair.

"Aaron. Are you all right?"

"I'm the one that's supposed to be asking you that. You were the one that was shot."

"I know, but I 'died,' was brought back to life, was shot, lay bleeding in your arms, and for the last three days have been in a coma – during which time you have apparently not left the room. Aaron, that's a lot to deal with. Are you OK?"

"You're here. You're alive. And more importantly, you're awake. I'm ... I'm ... OK? Maybe."

"It's OK. What you went through ..."

"What I went through? ... What about what you went through? ... Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Not now. I ..."

"It's OK. You don't have to talk about it. ..." Hotch tapped his hands nervously against his legs.

"Aaron what is it?"

" ... Dave came by. Well, he came by more than once. Everyone came by, obviously-."

"Aaron. You're babbling."

"Right. Strauss wanted to see me. I didn't go. I told Dave I had more important things to do. Now that you're awake, she's going to want to see me, and you, I imagine. It looks like we are going to have to face the music."

"It's not going to help that you didn't go see her when she called."

Hotch smiled ruefully, "It's also not going to help that I lost it a little while you were taken. And then I really lost it when you were ...'killed.'"

Emily lifted her right hand and squeezed Hotch's knee. "I was at the funeral. He wanted me to watch."

"It was worse than that. ... I ... uh, I tore up the bullpen. Your desk it, uh took a hit. Or two."

Emily raised an eyebrow. "A hit or two?"

"It doesn't matter. JJ she ... She cleaned it out. We couldn't look at it without ... you."

Emily nodded. "Where is the team?"

"Working. They've been here off and on."

"You're not working."

"Yes. Did you just now notice that?"

"No, I mean. You're not working. You the workaholic. The one who stays until late in the night. You're not working. You haven't been to work in three days."

"Don't sound so surprised. There are more important things than work."

"Really?"

Hotch leaned in and kissed her. "Really. You should get some sleep."

Emily picked up the dry erase board, and showed it to Hotch.

"I wasn't shot when I wrote that. Think of it this way the more you sleep the faster you'll heal, and be able to get out of here."

"That's true. All right I'll do it. But on one condition."

"What's that?"

"You go home, shower, and take a nap."

"Fine." He turned and walked to the door. He turned back around. "I love you, Emily."

"I love you too, Aaron"

/

JJ stood in front of the hospital door. She could finally breathe. _It was all going to be all right. Emily was awake._ She knocked on the door lightly and the peeked into the room. Emily sat up in the bed.

"Hey JJ."

"Hey. Are you all right?"

"I'm good." Emily reached for the white board she erased the message and started writing.

"What are you writing?"

"It's going to be a sanity saver."

"That's not cryptic at all."

"... I saw you at the funeral, with Reid."

"You were there. How come we didn't see you?"

"I was disguised and I couldn't say anything. What's up with you and Reid? You finally succumbed to the charms of our resident genius?"

JJ blushed.

"You have, haven't you? You go, girl. What's he like? Is it true what they say about men with big hands?"

"Emily? ... I could ask you the same question."

"But if I told you, would you ever be able to look Hotch in the eye again?"

JJ thought about it for a moment before laughing, "No, I couldn't. Reid's nice. After you ... 'died' Hotch was lost. We all were, but not like him. We were all looking for something to cling to, something that was real. Reid and I, we just. We grabbed hold of each other, and we held on tight. It helped."

"I'm happy for you JJ, you and Reid."

/

Hotch was driving back to the hospital, and he wouldn't admit it if she asked, but he was feeling a lot better after a shower, nap, and a fresh change of clothes. The phone rang, and a sense of dread washed over him. He didn't know why or how, but he knew without looking at the phone who was calling him. He checked the caller ID, yep, it was Strauss. He massaged his temples for a moment before answering the phone. "Hotchner."

"Agent Hotchner, it's Section Chief Strauss."

"Ma'am."

"I'm ordering you to come in. We have some things we need to discuss."

"Now, ma'am?"

"Now, Agent Hotchner."

It galled him that she thought she could treat people this way, but for now at least she was the boss, "Yes, ma'am."

He turned off the road he was on and made his way to Quantico.

Chopin's "The Funeral March" played unbidden in his head.

A/N Dun dun dun. Will Aaron keep his job? Will Emily be able to recover? Find out next time on "Emily's very own stalker." But before you go, review.


	16. Emily's trip home

A/N Sorry this chapter took so long to get up, real life has been kicking my ass the last couple of months. And, not that it's your fault or anything, but the lack of response from you guys has disheartned me a little bit. So to those of you who have stuck around thank you from the bottom of my heart. And now enough of my complaining on with the story.

_This is going to be fun._

He sat in an uncomfortable chair outside of Strauss's office. _Why is she such a bitch? Making the chairs people wait in uncomfortable, and then making people wait forever, why go to that effort?_ But he was going to sit here silently with a calm look on his face. He was not going to give her the satisfaction of knowing she got to him.

After what felt like an eternity Strauss opened the door. "Agent Hotchner. Come in."

Hotch, outwardly calm and serene, walked into the office.

"Sit down, Agent Hotchner."

Hotch sat down and waited for Strauss to begin the conversation.

"I think you know why you're here." She couldn't quite keep the smirk of her face. She had him and she knew it. And what's more, she knew he knew it as well.

"This meeting is in regard to my personal relationship with Agent Prentiss. And my actions during her recent abduction and after the false report of her demise."

"Yes. Were you unaware that the FBI has a strict no-fraternization policy? Or were you were aware and that is why you attempted to keep you relationship so clandestine?"

"I was aware of the rules."

"So you knowingly violated those rules?"

"Yes ma'am, I did."

"Was Agent Prentiss aware of those rules?"

"I have no knowledge of what Agent Prentiss was aware of or not aware of." He knew this – it was why they kept the relationship secret. They never talked about it. They didn't need to, but they both knew. There was no need to tell Strauss that. And since Emily had never actually told him that she knew of the rules, what he had just said wasn't a lie. Score one for being a lawyer.

"You never discussed it?"

"No, ma'am."

"Then why did you keep your relationship secret?"

"We wanted some time to ourselves, to figure out who we were as a couple before we invited anyone else to comment on our relationship." _And we both wanted to keep our jobs._

"If the events following the death of Agent Prentiss's family had not happened, would you have disclosed your relationship?"

"In time. I felt that if we were together long enough we could prove to ... anyone that our relationship was not a hindrance to our professional lives. And if Agent Prentiss and I were to get serious, then of course we would have had to disclose our relationship."

"So your relationship is not serious? Why then would you disclose it?"

"What does it matter if our relationship is serious or not?"

"I don't need to remind you, Agent Hotchner, that in addition to consorting with a subordinate, you also destroyed government property shortly after hearing Agent Prentiss's 'demise.' You lost control of yourself and your team."

"I did all of those things except lose control of my team."

"I have a report here that you were in a catatonic-like state. How is that keeping control of your team?"

_Who gave her that report? Not one of the team. Someone else must have seen it. Still, what am I going to say to that?_

"Agent Hotchner, I'm waiting."

Hotch rubbed his hand over his face. He didn't want to be here. Nothing he said was going to matter. The decision, whatever it was, had already been made. All he wanted right now was to be with Emily. The rest of it, he'd worry about later. After Emily was home, safe, and recovered. "Ma'am I'm sure a decision has already been made in light of my recent actions. I would like to hear it now. I have some important things that must be take care of immediately."

"What could be more important than your career?"

"A great many things, chief of them the fact that Agent Prentiss is being released from the hospital soon into my care. So, ma'am, has a decision been made."

Strauss was pissed. This meeting had not gone how she had wanted it to. She had wanted Hotchner to squirm, but somehow he managed to wiggle out from under her thumb like he always did. "A decision has been made. This comes from the top. You are being suspended for two months. After which time you will be allowed back on probation. You will be stripped of the Unit Chief position, and be demoted to Supervisory Special Agent status. This was out of my hands. I thought you should have been fired."

"Is that all ma'am?"

Strauss couldn't keep the bitterness and anger out of her words, "That is all, _Agent_ Hotchner." The contempt as she said _agent_ almost made Hotch smile. But that would be in bad form.

He walked out of the office and into the elevator. He didn't let his mask slip. There were still cameras around. He didn't want footage of him smiling or flipping Strauss off making its way to her desk. That would get him fired for sure. He climbed into his car, let out the air he had been holding, and let his head collapse onto the seat. That had gone better than expected. After everything, he was expecting to get fired. Especially with Strauss still around. But it seemed the gods were on his side. Now on to the important business of the day.

/

The drive home after picking Emily up from the hospital had been silent. The tension was too much for Emily and when they stopped in the doorway she blurted out, "What happened in the meeting? Did you get fired? Did she mention when she wanted to meet me?"

Hotch smiled and stepped close to her. "Shh, slow down. I'm not fired. Not yet anyway. I've been suspended for two months. Which works into my advantage since I would have asked for the time off to care for you. She didn't mention when she wanted to meet with you. My guess is in a couple of days she'll come by. Your punishment were probably be similar to mine, although not as long. But they know you're going to be out for a couple of months anyway, so it's kind of a moot point. But all of that is unimportant at the moment. What matters now is you taking some of the pills the doctor gave me and getting some sleep. I don't know if you know this or not, but you've been shot."

"Is that why my arm's in a sling?"

"Yes. I hate to have to be the one to tell you."

"Well if it had to come from someone, I'm glad it's you."

"So you'll take the pills and get some sleep?"

"Normally I'd fight you, but I just don't have the strength right now. ... Will you stay with me?" Her voice was small and scared, like a little child.

"Forever."

/

He lay next to her on the bed and stared at her calm features. So far she hadn't crashed. But he knew it was coming. He knew it was all going to hit her, the loss of her family, being kidnapped, tortured ... ... raped. It was all going to hit her like a thousand tons of bricks.

_What am I going to do then?_

A/N So not much happened, at least on the surface, but fear not more is going on than you know. And now hit the review button and let me know what you think.


	17. Emily's memory

A/N So this chapter is the first of many booms about to lowered onto poor Emily's head. Enjoy seems like the wrong word when describing this chapter. Also a side note, I looked back over the story, and realized I made a mistake. Emily was shot in the shoulder, thus it would follow her left arm is in a sling. So I put that in this chapter, and she's had a sling the whole time.

The silence woke her. It was oppressive. It scared her. She sat up and looked at Aaron sleeping in the chair near the bed. She didn't want to wake him. He needed sleep. After everything he had gone through, he needed to rest, to heal.

She moved slowly through the eerily quiet house. She glided down the hallway on her toes trying desperately to be quiet. Fear crept into her heart. There was no reason to be afraid, but the shadows in the silent and dark house now held monsters. And she couldn't push the fear away.

A small hand touched the back of her leg. Emily screamed in fear, whirled to dace her assailant, and jumped back ready to defend herself.

Instead of an attacker she saw only a little boy now scared because of her actions. She collapsed onto the wall and sank to the floor both in exhaustion and pain. Now that the adrenaline was leaving her system, the pain her body felt at its sudden call to action was becoming a very big problem. She turned a tired head to Jack and shakily lifted her right arm and beckoned the scared little boy into her arm. Her left arm was still in the sling.

"It's OK, baby. I'm OK. It's OK."

Hotch ran into the hallway and stopped short when he saw that Emily was OK. He could see that Emily had scared Jack, so he stayed silent so they could have a moment.

Jack tentatively stepped forward and hugged Emily. Emily's arms pulled him into her tightly and lightly stroked his back. "It's OK, baby. It's OK."

"Daddy said to be quiet cuz you were sleeping. I didn't mean to scare you."

Emily continued to stroke his back. Hotch came forward and put his hand on Jack's back. "Hey, buddy. Let's go to your room, OK?"

Hotch walked away with Jack. When they entered the room, Jack turned to his father and asked, "Did I do something bad, Daddy?"

Hotch lowered himself so he was at eye level with Jack and smiled. "No, Buddy. You didn't do anything wrong. Emily's ... ... She's going through something. We have to be very careful around her. Don't surprise her, and make sure that she's sees you before you touch her, OK?"

"Is she OK, Daddy?"

"She's going to be fine. Now play with your toys and I'll come get you when dinner is ready."

Hotch slowly came back into the hallway. Emily was standing and staring unfocused at the floor. Hotch cleared his throat loudly, hoping that he didn't scare her. Emily's eyes slowly came up and locked in with Hotch's.

She couldn't see him clearly through the tears in her eyes.

He slowly moved towards her. Very slowly. He kept his hands in front of him in plain sight. He stopped in front of her. He didn't touch her. He didn't want her to confuse his touch with the touch that she had just relived. If she wanted his touch, she would touch him, or tell him. For now, he would stay by her side and be a comforting presence.

Emily didn't react to Hotch standing near her. All she could see, all she could feel, was Jared. She could feel HIS hands on her, HIS touch, what HE felt like inside of her. She broke the silence, "I can feel him ... on me."

There was nothing that could be said, so Hotch stayed silent and let her continue.

"He told me he loved me. ... That everything he did was to prove his love for me. ... ... I met him years ago, his family worked for mine. ... when I was a teenager. We were kids. It wasn't dating. It only lasted a couple of weeks, but ... it ended badly. It was a bad time for me. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted. He couldn't let go. Eventually his family was let go. I had forgotten him.

"I fought back. I did. But he was too big ... too strong. ... I couldn't beat him. I, I wasn't strong enough. I failed."

"You didn't fail. It's not your fault. You did everything you could."

She heard Hotch's words, but they didn't register. They didn't sink in. Her mind recognized them for what they were and discarded them. "I'm a federal agent. I have training. I should have been able to take him down."

"The guy had six inches on you and at least a hundred pounds. You're not a martial arts expert. You have combat training, sure, but there a lot of, MALE agents that would have lost a fight to him. Training isn't a cure-all. It doesn't guarantee victory."

...

"I hate feeling like this. I know what this is. I've seen enough rape victims to know what's happening to me ... but I can't shut this off. I can't stop feeling this."

"You can't shut off emotion. Not emotion this strong. No one can. We're human, not Vulcan."

Emily smiled a sad smile for half a second.

"It's going to take time. ... You should think about talking to a professional. The Bureau's going to want you to, anyway. If you do it soon, then you can pick who you want. I'm going to be here every step of the way." He wanted to hold her in his arms. To show her that he loved her. To comfort her. But he wouldn't. It was going to have to be her decision when she wanted to touch again. She needed to feel in control. Jared had taken that away from her. And she needed it back. So he was going to leave it up to her.

They stood in silence for what felt like hours.

"You need to eat something. You need to take the medicine the doctors gave you, and you can't do it on an empty stomach."

Hotch could see the distaste on her face at eating something. "You need to eat something. What about toast?"

She gave a tired nod.

They walked into the kitchen and Hotch pulled the bread out of the bag and put it in the toaster. "You need to clean the gunshot would and change the bandage. I put the stuff you'll need in the bathroom."

Emily smiled in thanks.

After eating Emily stood up and turned to the bathroom. She paused for a moment. "Thank you, Aaron. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"No thanks are needed. I love you. I am going to be here for you every step of the way." He picked up her plate and took it into the kitchen.

Emily stood silently in the bathroom looking at the medical bag filled with the equipment necessary to help her heal. She wanted to do this on her own. She needed to do this on her own. She needed a win. Aaron had seen it. That's why he told her where this stuff was. That's why he didn't offer to help. She needed to do it on her own.

_This is going to hurt._ She grabbed the bottom of her shirt and slowly lifted the shirt up. A wave of pain cascaded through her body, momentarily stopping her progress. She gritted her teeth and continued her movements. After an agonizing couple of minute she got the shirt over her head and resting on the sling. She tenderly removed the bandage.

The wound was ugly. It marred her skin. She began to wash the wound. She let out a hiss as every stroke brought new and cumulative pain. When it was finished, and a new bandage had been applied, she stumbled into the bedroom. She collapsed onto the bed.

Her last conscious thought was, "Next time, I'm letting Aaron help with the bandage."

A/N Poor Emily. Review let me know what you think. Do it. Do it now. Right now. Come on let's go.


	18. Emily's dilemma

He made Jack's dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, then cleaned up the house. He was avoiding going into his bedroom. He knew it. But he needed some time to himself. Some time to absorb what he had always known, but secretly hoped hadn't, happened.

She was raped. The woman he loved was raped.

He wanted to break something. No. He wanted to revive the corpse of the man that ... that ... the man that kidnapped her. He wanted to kill him again. But this time he didn't want to shoot him. This time he wanted to kill him slowly. For that … that … vermin to slowly feel the life leaving his body.

The shattering of the glass brought him back to the present. He looked down at his hand and saw the blood and the broken glass. He went back to the kitchen, cleaned the wound and put on a bandage.

He couldn't avoid the room forever. He wasn't avoiding her. He loved her. He wasn't avoiding looking at her differently. He would only ever look at her one way. She was the love of his life, and nothing would ever change that. Not even what some deranged man did to her.

He avoided the room because he was angry.

Not at her. But at life. For what it had done to her.

But she needed only calm. She needed peace around her. Inside she was going to be a mess for a long time. She needed everything thing else to be orderly. Or at least something that she could easily make orderly.

Anger is often destructive, the glass proved that. He was slowly calming down.

He began a slow trek to his bedroom. With every step calm was seeping into his veins. He would be calm, if only for her sake.

He entered the room and got ready for bed. He climbed into the bed and lay down on the other side, as far from her as he could be. He didn't want her to wake and feel someone touching her. He didn't want her to awaken afraid – at least no more afraid than she was already going to wake up.

She wasn't going to be able to hide from it anymore.

Tomorrow was going to be an interesting day.

/

She didn't want to wake up. The dream was pleasant and reality was not. But she couldn't fight it forever.

She opened her eyes slowly; the light was bright and harsh. The first thing she noticed was how far Aaron was from her. _Why is he over there? Does he not want to touch me now? Do I look the same to him? Do I look different? Am I disgusting now? _

Fear and doubt began to plague her mind. Those thoughts stayed with her, and would not leave.

Hotch woke up and looked at the woman he loved. He could see the fear and doubt written on her face.

"What's wrong?"

"Sometimes having a profiler for a boyfriend sucks."

"What's wrong, Em?"

She couldn't look at him. She didn't want to see it in his eyes. "You're so far away."

"I didn't want you to wake up and feel someone touching you. I didn't want you to wake up scared. I don't want you to confuse my touch with his touch. … Nothing's changed. What he did to you. It doesn't touch you. You are still the woman I fell in love with. I'm just trying to be the man you need."

"Thank you, Aaron." She tenderly put her hand on his cheek. He nuzzled her hand and softly kissed it.

She pulled her hand away, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. You do what you need to heal. I'll be here."

Later, she stepped into the shower and tried to let the hot water wash it all away. But it didn't work, she couldn't get rid of the images and feelings.

She stared at the hot water rivulets as they ran down her body. _If only everything else could be washed away so easily._

/

The knock on the door was unexpected. So was who stood on the other side of the door. "Chief Strauss, what an unexpected surprise."

"Yes, Agent Prentiss, I imagine it is. May I come in?"

"Yes, of course. Come in."

"Agent Prentiss, you know why I'm here."

"Yes ma'am." _I know why you're here. Although surely this could have waited._

"I'll be brief. I know that you're still recovering. Did you know about the FBI's no fraternization policy?"

"I knew it was looked down on."

"I see. Did you and Agent Hotchner ever discuss it?"

"No, ma'am."

"Why?"

"It was just never something we talked about."

"Very well. Agent Prentiss, as you are already on medical leave, we are not going to suspend you. However we will have to write you up for breaking the fraternization policy. And before you can return to duty you will have to end your relationship with Agent Hotchner."

She stood up and walked to the door. She opened it just as Hotch was reaching for it.

"Chief Strauss, this is a surprise."

"Agent Hotchner. Jack. Have a good day."

"Em. What happened?"

"They're saying before I can come back to work, I have to break up with you."

"I'm going to call Dave and see what he can do."

/

Dave knocked on the door. Hotch answered it. "Dave, come in. Can I get you something to drink?"

"A whiskey would be nice." Dave sat on the couch and Emily and Hotch soon joined him. Dave took a long drink. "There's nothing I can do. Aaron, someone's protecting you. I don't know who it is, but whoever it is they have a lot of juice. But they're not protecting you, Emily. If you want to go back to work, you have to break up."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"Aaron, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know. But we will think of something. I just got you back. There's no way I'm letting you go again."

A/N Review let me know what you think.


	19. Emily's slow recovery

a/n So here is the real chapter 19.

Aaron was her anchor.

He kept her grounded to the world. When he was gone, she floated off. She drifted, aimless, not connected to the world, to her friends, to life.

It was unhealthy. She knew it. She'd seen it in too many victims to count. But here it was happening to her.

She didn't want to be a victim.

Being a victim sucks.

People pity you, which is incredibly annoying. And in those moments you do not need to be annoyed. It's just one more thing in a long list of problems.

There's no easy fix to being a victim.

No time line.

You just have to work through it.

In that moment, the knowledge that you're healing, that it takes time, is useless. It hangs out in the back of your mind and drops in at random moments. But it is spectacularly unhelpful.

It's why floating untethered is so fun. You don't have to feel anything.

She knows that to get through this she has to feel. She has to go through it to get past it. But now floating emotionless feeling nothing but freedom. She couldn't care less.

She thinks about buying something to help her in her quest to float free. She hasn't used weed since she was in college. But that's probably not a good idea. Aaron probably wouldn't approve. And Jack would be home soon. And while Aaron might, _might_ be OK with her doing it, he definitely would not be OK with her doing it with Jack anywhere around.

Weed would be nice, though. That feeling where all your troubles fade away, and that peaceful feeling washes over you. It's like being near the ocean. That would definitely be nice. She might have to have a talk with Aaron, and get a feel for he would react.

In the meantime, a shot of whiskey can't hurt.

She pours the amber liquid into a rocks glass. She waits a moment to let the ice cubes cool the drink. It doesn't really help the burn – she just isn't a fan of room temperature drinks. She raises the glass and took a big gulp. The burn doesn't faze her.

Her movements are easier. Breathing is still a bitch. It's not like she has to do that all the time. Oh wait, that's right. But still, the pain is receding. It's been two weeks, and while her left arm is still out of commission, the rest of her bumps and bruises have faded away.

If only the emotional scars would fade away.

She missed Aaron. She missed being able to touch him. She missed the carefree way they had been here at home. Home. She had never thought about it, but this was her home. Not some cold and lonely apartment. Here with the two men she loved.

She finished the contents of the glass, and poured another.

There was another part of Aaron she missed. One she hadn't gotten to enjoy since before she was kidnapped. She took another drink before her imagination got her too hot and bothered.

She was buzzed when he came home. "Aaron you're home." she cried out and she ran, well tried to run, towards him.

He gently caught her in his arms, hoping he didn't hurt her. He could smell the whiskey on her breath.

"I've missed you, Aaron." she said softly, her hand running down the side of his face.

"I'm here now."

"Yes. Yes you are."

She pulled his face down towards her, but he stopped short of her lips. He looked into her eyes. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." Their lips met and both sighed in relief. They had missed this. They had missed being with each other. Had missed touching each other.

Aaron's lips left hers and started down her neck. Emily arched her neck.

A kiss left a little saliva on her skin.

Suddenly she was back in that room. And he was kissing her. He was licking her body. His hands were all over.

She screamed out and pushed away from him. "Get away. Get away." She collapsed to the ground crying

He didn't move. He didn't try and hold her. His touch was not welcome. He crouched down and spoke softly to her. "Emily, are you OK?"

She continued crying.

"Emily I'm going to call JJ, OK?" He pulled the cellphone out of his pocket and dialed the number from memory. The sound of Emily's tears mixed in with the ringing of the phone. "JJ. It's Hotch. Can you come over here please. It's urgent." He hung up the phone when he got her reply. "Emily JJ's on her way she'll be here soon." He could only hope it would be soon enough.

The knock on the door was a welcome sound. He had been sitting on the floor helplessly while the woman he loved cried a few feet away. He opened the door to let JJ in.

She immediately noticed Emily on the floor crying. "What happened?"

"I came home, and she was a little tipsy. She said she missed me. She tried to kiss me. I asked her if she was sure. She said she was. So I kissed her. And then, I started to kiss her neck. Next thing I know she screaming get away and she collapsed to the floor crying. That's when I called you."

"OK. I'll take it from here. Where's your bedroom?"

"Down the hall to the left."

JJ crouched down beside Emily. "Emily, it's me, JJ. Come on, it's going to be OK." She helped Emily up and they moved towards the bedroom.

They sat on the bed and JJ gently pulled Emily into her arms and let her cry. She softly stroked her back and whispered soothing words and sounds into her ear.

After a while Emily calmed down. She pulled back. JJ smiled at her, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She bit her lip. She didn't want to talk about it. It was personal. Private. Wasn't that what her mother had taught her. To keep things to herself. To not share with anyone. That it was weakness. And Prentisses weren't weak.

JJ could see she didn't want to talk about it. She put her arm around Emily, "It's OK. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want. Why don't we just stay here until you're ready to go back to the living room."

They sat there for a few moments in silence.

Emily looked away before she started speaking, "It was the saliva. Jared, that's the name of the guy that took me. He … he ..."

"I understand."

"The first time he was mad. I had tried to escape. When that didn't work. I tried to fight him. He hurt me. The next time he was gentle." She let out a mirthless chuckle, "He was trying to show me he loved me. … I remember every time he kissed my body. Every time his tongue touched my skin … His saliva, it stayed. Aaron, ... he's not him. I know he's not him. But his saliva … All of a sudden I was back there. … ... I didn't hurt Aaron, did I? He's not mad is he?"

"He's not mad. He's worried. He thought he did something wrong."

"It's not him. It's me. I'm not ready."

"That's all right. No one expects you to just bounce back. Especially not Hotch. He's not going anywhere. He's a good man."

Emil smiled, "He's the best. … Except for maybe a certain boy genius."

JJ smiled, "Except for him. You ready to go back to the living room?"

"Give me a minute."

"Take all the time you need."

A/N How do you like that. I write a funny almost upbeat chapter, and then because of a mistake I made. I can't use it. So you get this a chapter with more angst and heartache. Also if you haven't read "Wicked Witch of the Middle East" my almost chapter 19. You should check it out. Let me know what you think. Review.


	20. Emily's song

A/N So after far too long here is another chapter. Considering how long you had to wait I wish I could have made it better, but try as I might this was the best I could do, sorry.

She was embarrassed. He hadn't done anything wrong. She had freaked out. She had attacked him and collapsed into a ball of hysterics. God, what he must think of her. She was stronger than this. She was better than this.

This happened to women every day, and everyday women overcame it. Women who didn't see the horrors she saw on a daily basis. Women who weren't trained to deal with trauma. Women who couldn't compartmentalize their feelings well enough to find their way out of a paper bag. Women who didn't have a wonderful, kind, and caring man who loved them, who was there for them every step of the way. Who didn't have a sweet little boy who mean the world to them.

They didn't have any of that and still they overcame this. And she, she had all of it. And she still couldn't overcome it. She still spazzed.

The pair walked into the living room. Hotch was seated on the couch.

Aaron saw it. He saw the recrimination. The self-hatred. Victims sometimes attack themselves, as if what they are going through isn't enough. Victims can sometimes become their own worst enemy, causing almost as much damage as their attackers.

She needed to get out of her head. She needed a night off.

He slowly stood up, "Em, I would like to show you something. Do you think you can come with me, or do you still need JJ here?" If she needed JJ, that was fine. He wasn't going to push her. He was going to go at her pace. He was here for her.

"You're not mad?"

She sounded so small. So unlike the Emily Prentiss he knew. Anger rose in his heart for the monster that had hurt her. "No. I'm not mad. It was my fault—"

"NO."

JJ and Hotch took a step back at the vehemence in her voice.

"You didn't do anything wrong. And this is NOT your fault. I initiated. I told you it was OK. Me. Not you."

Hotch nodded, "Would you like to come with me? You don't have to. But it might help."

The grew silent as they waited for Emily's answer.

…

…

"OK." She turned to JJ, "Thank you, for everything."

"Always. I'm here for you. Whenever you need. You pick up that phone and call me. No matter how late."

Emily nodded.

As the women talked Hotch pulled out his cell phone and made a call. He spoke in low hushed tones. After a few moments he hung up the phone. He turned to Emily, "You might want to change. Nothing dressy, something comfortable will do."

Emily nodded and left the room to change.

JJ turned to Hotch, "Are you sure you want me to go?"

Hotch looked hard into the space that Emily had just vacated. "I'll call you if anything happens."

"You had better." JJ walked over and gave Hotch a hug. "She's going to be OK. You didn't do anything wrong."

Hotch accepted the hug, but said nothing.

"Stubborn. The both of you. Made for each other."

Hotch said nothing as JJ let him go and made her exit.

He hadn't done anything wrong, but still he blamed himself. He was the one kissing Emily when she had her breakdown. He was the one who couldn't help her. He had to call someone else. He had failed the women he loved.

Emily came back into the room and they silently left the house and got into the car.

They drove in silence for several minutes.

Emily stared off into the horizon, lost in her thoughts. Hotch said nothing. He didn't know what to say. Didn't have the words to make it better.

After a few minutes driving through a part of town that was unfamiliar Emily spoke up, "Where are you taking me?"

"To a bar."

"A bar? I don't want to drink. I don't want to be a around a bunch of strangers. What's the matter with you?"

"The bar is closed tonight. I know the owner. You don't have to drink. That's not why we're going. … I was a part of a band once. Well kind of a band."

"What's a kind of band?"

"Do you know what a session musician is?"

"No."

"They are musicians who do short term gigs. They are often brought in when someone needs background instrumentals for a gig, or a recording, or for part of a tour. They typically aren't famous. I was a session musician back in college, and for a short time during law school."

"I didn't know you could play."

"Almost no one does. Only Dave, Jason, and Haley. Ever so often I used to go and play with these group of guys I know. They hang out at a bar. And when life was overwhelming, I would go play until the wee hours of the morning. Music helped calm me. … I thought it might help you."

"How do you know they are still there?"

"It's where I went after your funeral. They were still there. They'll be there till they die."

They pulled up to a brick building. There was no sign. Hotch walked over to an old wooden door and held it open for Emily.

She entered into a dimly lit room. There were several tables in front of her. The chairs had been put on top of the tables. To her left was the bar, a man nodded to her and Hotch. Hotch gave him a small signal and he grabbed a glass and a bottle. To her right was a black baby grand piano. A few men who looked a little worse for wear sat near it holding various instruments in their hands. Other instruments in cases were at their feet.

Hotch led her deeper into the room, finally indicating that she should sit at one of the tables near the piano. He continued on and sat in front of the piano. The bartender placed the glass and bottle down next him and moved over to Emily, "What would you like."

"Nothing thank you."

Aaron nodded to the fellas and started to play a familiar song from his favorite album.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take this sunken eyes and learn to see_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to be free_

_Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly_

_Into the light of the the dark black night _

He transitioned into ...

_When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,  
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.  
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,  
speaking words of wisdom, let it be._

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.  
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

___And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,  
there will be an answer, let it be.  
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,  
there will be an answer. let it be._

Let it be, let it be, ...

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,

_shine until tomorrow, let it be.  
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,  
speaking words of wisdom, let it be._

Let it be, let it be

He ended the song and looked up, "Do you have any requests?"

"Do they have to be Beatles' songs, or can they be anything?"

"Anything you want, this is for you."

"Can I sing?"

"Sure, if you want."

"Does it matter that I can't sing?"

"No. I don't care. If you don't care, it's fine."

She stood up and walked over to the piano, and sat down on it, "I've always wanted to do this."

They sang long into the night.

Later when they got home she reached out and pulled him into a hug. "Thank you for tonight."

"You're welcome. We will get through this."

"Yes. We will."

A/N So I have lost inspiration and interest in this story. As such I am going to write the original ending with a couple of modifications, and end this story early. To all that have faithfully continued reading, and to those who joined along the way thank you for everything. Oh and if you don't mind let me know what you thought.


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